bring it down a notch please

wow last night was bad for my emotions...thanks non existent alcohol limit. on the outside i was totally fine, but the animated in my head lizzie mcguire me was tipping over filing cabinets and kicking over office coolers hulk style..(yes the inside of my mind is an office setting...not sure why) thank goodness twitter got the majority of my drunken rage.(not counting the previous post which was drunkenly typed)...it was baaaad. BUT! only shed a few tears..go me!!! it could've been worse, i could've been spilling my guts to my friends while out at some club all sloppy drunk like...at least last night i was in the comfort of my own home with my computer...which thinking about about it the latter is probably worse, but whatever. i still have a lot of pent up emotion since i never express how i truly feel...guess i'm saving it all up for when i can actually afford to go to a therapist.

In other news, decided that I’m going to buy myself a macbook for graduation this December. I’ve wanted one for the longest time (years) and I was considering pooling together whatever xmas and graduation $$ I get, but I really want this and it would mean a lot more to me if I bought it on my own. SO between paying off these school bills and saving for new laptop things are going to be pretty tight..i need a job sooo bad. Fingers crossed I get one.

Excited to go back…mostly because I need to get out of this house..fast. I’m also excited because it’s my last semester! Then time to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t wait.

oh boy...

went on date with new boy last night

had fun

got drunk...billigerent drunk

acted a fool

still had fun.


sigh.


this time i'm for real about not drinking anymore..for real for real.


ok not really, but i promise i'll be on my bestest behavior from now on.

can't think of a title

I’ve been writing this post in my head the past few days, just now getting to posting as a result of my laziness.

Guess I’m out of my funk..kinda a little…I must say I’m officially really done with people’s bullshit. I don’t really mean people as in plural of a person, just one person in particular. Niave little me thought that regardless of my relationship past/current/what could have been with a person they wouldn’t continuously treat me like I was some run of the mill chick who didn’t mean anything to them. I’m done. Past done. i’m delete your # from my phone after almost 3 years done. When I talked to Bree about this for the thousandth time she mentioned that I just need to find a guy that will take my mind off things. I agree somewhat with that, but at the same time I believe that it’s very important to me that I get over things on my own (besides the advice from friends and family) because like now, I’m not always going to have a guy to rely on to boost me up emotionally and all that jazz entailed with moving past someone. As hard as it is to get over someone who held such an important place in your heart for so long, I’d like to do it on my own..it’s been tough, but I know I’m stronger because of it. This whole thing has DEFINITELY affected how I approach my relationships with guys now..but in a positive way.

Moving on I guess…so Friday I decided to change my career path again..kind of…I have decided to study African Art in grad school. I’ve always liked it…but I think I don’t need a standard foreign language for real to study it…is that rude? It probably is if that’s a key reason to want to study African Art. Oh well. Just another idea to ponder.

Last night was Angelica’s 22^nd birthday celebration..it was soo much fun!! I actually ate a whole sushi roll..all by myself!! (this is a pretty good feat for me considering sushi and I have never really been friends) however I did learn that it’s not a good idea for someone who never eats sushi to eat sushi then drink alcohol and dance right after. Well lesson learned, my stomach was killing me last night. But I still had a good time, we got a dance party going in the middle of the bar..it was pretty awesome.

Guess that’s all for now…I currently have a migraine..not a brain aneurysm (thanks google) so I’m gonna go nurse that.

et tu, rum & coke?

i really

really

really

need to stop drinking...

or at least re-adjust my limit.

this past friday night...omg.

thank god friends right?

i really want to tell people what happened

(ok what was told to me by those who

weren't wasted) but some of my

activities are SO embarrassing and probably

qualify as a basis for an intervention......

so i'm just going to keepmy mouth shut.

poor liver.

antyways.

i'm currently working on wearing my semi-TWA

without any kind of headband or

hair-thing-a-ma-jig

(thanks to this gorgeous girl who i saw in the library last week rocking hers without a hair thing....i know super weird reason)

so yea...so far so good. angelica came over tonight

and said it looked good which made me feel

better, because she's had natural

hair for a few years now and always rocks her twa

without hair things in it and it always looks really nice.

that being said i'm also going to start styling it

more often.

so we shall see how that goes.

last week i decided i wanted a knuckle tattoo...

we see how far that goes lol.

*sidenote: was moulin rouge REALLY that bad of a movie??

after all this time i still love it (and know all the words)

i'm sitting here looking at these 2 articles i'm supposed to have read for my greek sculpture class tomorrow...they're on my nightstand just staring at me...

i know i know if i'm awake enough to blog and watch movies

then i should be awake enough to read for school.

.......

yep not going to happen...i'll just read them tomorrow during my first class.

i'm kind of ambivalent about having a snow day

people are talking about possibly having tomorrow..

i only have 2 classes which are back to back in morning anyway

sooo...yea. don't really care.

my freshmen year mizzou had its first school wide snow day since the 70s when my parents were here...

and apparently it was the only the 3rd one in the school's entire history of existence...because i'm lame i thought that was pretty cool..kind of like being a part of history..but once again i'm lame like that.

i was so proud of myself today i didn't doodle in my notebook during class!!

i know it sounds pretty small, but that's a pretty good deal for me

i am a chronic(?) doodler...it's really bad lol.

these are from last week:

yes i know i'm (i'm = my parents and the federal government) not

paying shitloads of money for me to sit in class and doodle.

but i can't help it, i have a wandering mind

*sidenote continued: i wouldn't really mind

another singing ewan mcgregor movie

guess i'll go to bed now....

*idk why blogger keeps messing up my line spacing...it's really annoying*

mustang sally!

another oh-mm-jee post

last night was EPIC!!! lol

first off bree drove ALLL the way from warrensburg (about 45mins away from kc) after getting back from omaha to kc to go out with me and we didn't leave my house until after midnight,

after we spent forever looking for a f-ing parking spot i realized

i left my clutch at home. so back to the cooper household we went.

got to the club, couldn't find the guys we were supposed to meet up with. in that time someone's father (ok i really don't know if he was someone's father, he was just definitely

older than my age prefence lol) trying to spit game to me. it was so sad.

so we find the guys, bree's friend buys us drinks and we hit the dance area. a bunch of guys came up to us trying to dance with us...some not even saying anything, just grinding on us.

now i'm not that kind of girl that dances like that. i got that all out of my system during high school...i'm past over it. these dudes were for real getting mad when we told them we don't dance...like MAD! i was amazed! it was kind of funny to see them get so up set...like their manhood had been damaged...whatever!

2nd part of the night:

we leave the club when it leaves...this is about 3am. (keep in mind i'm technically supposed to have a curfew of 2am)

we go to bree's friend's cousin's house (i know i know lol). it's super awlward at first, because it's mostly his cousins there. in honor of the birthday boy we take a couple of shots...i had 1/2 shots, because i am a serious serious lightweight. as you can guess i got pretty drunk pretty fast. i ended up playing wii tennis with the birthday boy and then brianna....who i ended up beating while playing with my back to the screen (don't ask me how i managed that lol)

then i may or may not have made out with bree's friend....just to note i swear i'm usually not THAT girl. actually this is only the second time in my whole life i've ever done that.

but i must admit i definitely enjoyed it lol....mostly because i haven't been kissed in so long...and he was a really good kisser...well at least drunk sydney thought so.

so we didn't leave until after 5. stopped on the way home so i could pee...behind a tree in someone's yard. we didn't get inside my house until almost 6am, because i waited until we were a few blocks away to tell bree i was supposed to be home at 2 and she was scared to come inside lol.

overall last night was soo much fun...i couldn't of asked for a better way to end my break..even though i don't go back until sat. but still the night was amazingly fun.

(not really sure how i feel about this format for long stories)

from the mindgrapes of sydney

so far this weekend has been going pretty well..went out thurs night with the bestie...got waaaay too drunk...still piecing the night together..sort of..i really need to pace myself when i drink..definitely called ex-lovah and may or may not have professed my love for him...then sent him a text talking about fate not liking us or we'd be together...yea..simply pathetic. the good thing is that idk he noticed, b.c he wrote me on fb today (about the ben folds song "the luckiest"....again!!!! made me so happy!) and when i texted him he didn't mention it. also if i know him as well as i do he probably still doesn't check his voicemail. so hopefully he'll never hear it.

so as a result of thursday's debachury, i kept thinking friday was saturday...even tweeted about..didn't notice until someone said something lol. pretty funny. also hung out with my new favorite friend. i looove talking to him, he cracks me up and he's so honest about everything. and he always compliments me, but not in a sleezy coming on to me way. he's good company. i like having a guy friend to hang out with with no expectations. just friends. so he put in a good mood friday after having a good conversation.

today was pretty laid back...just watched tv for the most part....except for the footlong pizza sub

i ate today. i was trying to figure out if i should get a 6 in sub with peach rings or a footlong by itself. it was a hard decision b.c it would've been about the same price either way. so i ended up getting the footlong thinking i could eat 1/2 tonight and the other 1/2 tomorrow...def ate the whole thing...then felt sick lol. but totally worth it.

below is my favorite thing in the world (ok one of many). it's a gold heart & key necklace that used to belong to my mumsie, she gave it to me about a year 1/2 ago. over the summer the original chain broke and i had to stop wearing it, because gold is suuuuper expensive!! damn! but then my birthday came and jackpot! new chain! so happy (when i made one of my fb statuses say that i was happy to be wearing it again, ex-lovah "liked" it...unfortunately i didn't see it until about a week later, but it still made me happy) i decided that when i find the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, i'll give him the key....super cheesy i know..but the necklace means a lot to me and my heart is not something to be played with...

this ring is from tiffanys and i want it soooo bad!!! it's soo pretty

Luscious colors, designed to be stacked or worn alone. Ring with a blue chalcedony in 18k gold. Size small. Original designs copyrighted by Paloma Picasso.Carat total weight 1.70. $1,100

anyways, so i mentioned in an earlier post that a friend of mine was starting a zine and i was thinking about submitting poem/venting exercise type thing...well i did...i also sent it to ex-lovah then took it back...but he had already read it and he replied with this (exact words btw) "i love it! it's actually pretty good."...i was sooo excited to read that! i never ever ever send him ANYTHING about how i feel about him/us/our relationship. well i did when we were together, but i'm always scared of getting my feelings hurt so i keep my mouth shut. but this is more of a reflection on our relationship with a little bit of how i presently feel sprinkled in..that being said, i decided to post it here since my toughest critic liked it..so here it is:

WHEN A GIRL LOVES A BOY

When a girl loves a boy she’ll eat cantaloupe and melon for the first time in her life, because he bought some for her

When a girl loves a boy she stays up with him while he pulls an all nighter to finish a paper

When a girl loves a boy she plays video games with him even though she’s bad at them and doesn’t want to, because he likes playing with her

When a girl loves a boy she lets him cry on her shoulder when he’s upset

When a girl loves a boy she lets him tickle her even though he tickles with claws

When a girl loves a boy she can still feel him wrapped around her while she sleeps

When a girl loves a boy she still occasionally listens to the songs he wrote her

When a girl loves a boy she lets him use her computer to play computer games even though she wants to cuddle

When a girl loves a boy she watches news shows and boxing matches just to spend time with him

When a girl loves a boy she can never forget how his kisses used to make her knees buckle

When a girl loves a boy she will talk to him on the phone until the wee hours of the morning even though she has an early morning class

When a girl loves a boy she listens to “their song” even though they’re not together anymore

When a girl loves a boy she thinks about him more often than she should

When a girl loves a boy she can’t tell her heart no...