ZZZZzzzz......or not

sooo it's currently after 3am...I have to be up for class in about 4 1/2 hours for class...I shouldn't be surprised. It's my new "sleep schedule". so mon-fri I get about 4-5 hours of sleep every night, fall asleep in class, take a nap about 5 or 7 ish. then wake up about 11-12. and not go to sleep til 3 or 4. THEN on the weekend (sat and sun) I sleep til 1-2 in the afternoon. it sucks major blue whale sized balls. but there's only about 2 weeks of actual class left anyways.

watching The Office right now.....definitely one of my top 5 ALL TIME FAVORITO tv shows. oh so Larry Wilmore is a producer on the show..THEN I found out he's one of the anchors on the Daily Show (Senior Black corresponant or something like that) once I started watching the show on a regular basis again. well my point is i didn't realize how much of a funny guy he is. I want to adopt him as my uncle. there are a lot of ppl I want to adopt actually ..Angela Davis as another aunt, Susan Boyle as my singing nanny...I had more but I can't remember who they are

pretty sure I could live off shrimp for the rest of my life

well back to le Office

p.s. can I just say that Dhani Jones is THE best looking man I've ever seen in my life....and he writes poetry!!!!



p.p.s. I love that I figured out how to make words turn into websites

(insert title here)

so for the past I don't know how many weekends (not including last sat.) my fri/sat nights have consisted of me planted in front of the tv with my computer watching the nightly CSI: Miami marathons on A&E....tonight i just realized how sad that was...mainly because once they started the episodes over again I realized how long I had been watching. I always feel like I should read a book or do a science experiment or something after watching tv for hours and hours, my brain always feels like mush. Also I felt dizzy for a good part of the day including right now...it's weird because I feel dizzy while I'm sitting down. I had 2 consecutive doctor's appointments this week because my body is slowly breaking down on me. I had to get blood drawn which really hurt (I don't care what anyone else says those needles hurt like hell). my mom thinks I'm either anemic or diabetic....whenever she diagnoses me I'm always so tempted to ask her where she got her medical degree from, but I always opt out....I may be dumb but I'm not stupid (or however that saying goes).


Still in the process of "letting go" that special person... Friday I was in suuuuch a bad, mopey mood. I tried listening to India.Arie, because she's the homie and she always makes me feel better...somehow she ended up making me feel worse..not sure how. But i didn't hold it against her. So yea..one of these days I'll be cured. ahhh dizziness!!! this can't be good at all. Anyways yes so currently I am looking for a bf, but I know if i keep saying that finding one will take longer. I really do believe in that whole "good things come when you least expect them" or whatever the saying is..that's what happened with my ex, total surprise. Oh and about that whole "ex" business. so I went to a party last sat. night and made a new friend. We ended up talking a few hours about different stuff, and of course past relationships came up. It was weird calling my ex "ex" because when I talk about him to everyone else I just call him by his first name, but anyways it was weird because it kept reminding me that 1. we've been broken up for about a year now and that's a long time (actually longer then we were together...irony? no that's just how my life goes) 2. he was my first real real bf.

..damn I forgot my point....oh well. probs for the best.

all in all I do want a bf....not sure why though, because I'm actually doing pretty ok being single but it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with...that's when i get the loneliest is at night...oh well.

I really want to end on a happy note....so here it goes:

shiver me timbers

I HATE f-ing airports!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (especially my hometown airport KCI) ....only because of the memories I have associated with them....I've had to say some of the most painful goodbyes there. I'll explain: there's a shuttle service in my college town called the mo-ex that takes you from columbia to the kc and stl airports. since I don't have my own means of transportation I sometimes take it to and from school. I didn't mind it so much before, but now that I'm in the midst of attemptng to let go of someone I love, whenever I go to the airport all I can think of are those goodbyes. Although there are one or two or more GOOD memories at the airport. Like when he came to visit for Thanksgiving break I went to go pick him up from the airport, I was supposed to be there when his plane landed, but I understimated how long it would take me to get there. I got there (after getting lost inside the terminal) and it was so sweet, because he was sitting on the luggage carousel all by himself. He looked like the last kid waiting to get picked up after school. anyways I remember I was about 100 ft (i honestly don't know how far away I was, but it was pretty far) and I called him on his phone and he ran down to where I was and picked me up....it was just like out of all the cheesy romantic movies but I loved it. Anyways airports=stank...sometimes.




I'm so hungry right now, but can't figure out what I want......I'm dying for some fiesta potatoes from Taco Bell...sound so good right now.


I guess that's all....now back to brooding and "Little Miss Sunshine"

excuse me

ok you can come back anytime now..

disturbia

blech.

right now I'm supposed to be working on a paper for my French civilization class which I also have to present to my teacher tomorrow (technically today i guess) and clearly I'm not. I also have Rihanna's "Disturbia" stuck in my head (hence the title). I only know bits and pieces of the chorus. anyways, so I've been single since about last May and i go back and forth with wanting a relationship and staying single for awhile. Right now I'm in my "i do what i want, I'm happy being by myself blah blah" single stage. Basically the stage where I'm not bitter towards couples and love and all that jazz; and at the same time happy and ok that I'm single. Which brings me to the main reason for this entry. Last summer after my ex and I broke up, I wasn't really looking for anything (mainly because we had been together for quite some time and the break up was kind of hard to deal with) so i was in my "loving being single" state of mind. Idk what it is, but I got hit on more times during the summer then I have in awhile. I feel like guys know when i want a bf and when I don't. When I'm sad and lonely no one is to be found, but as soon as I embrace my singlehood/dom they all want to come out of the woodwork. The same thing happened tonight. some guy who I've never spoken to in my entire life had the nerve to ask me if he could call me, even after I said I didn't have a bf and that i wanted to just enjoy being single right now. What is it with some guys? UGh!!! whatevs though. I have bigger things to worry about....like getting my csi: ny/miami fix on. dang internet!

cleaned my room today...it must have been pretty bad, because it smelled even after I took out the trash...not a good sign. I'm surprised some weird kind of Gollum-like creature didn't pop out.

dreading going to class tomorrow. I layed in bed til 4pm today...it was so nice. just 5 more days til I can lay on the couch all day in my pajamas with my dog watching tv. I'm really anxious to get my heart tattoo. Still trying to figure out where to get it...but i definitely am getting a tiny heart. But not the fancy designed kind...just a simple heart, outlined in black, shaded with red. I'm thinking the same shape heart that comes in the Shapes tool in the Paint application for computers. just something simple and small. ..maybe sleeping for most of the day was a bad idea, now i don't want to go to sleep and I can't stop typing. dangit! just realized my csi: miami episode could've been loading this whole time.

a part of me wishes Obama wasn't so attractive, because the main reason i watch his tv appearances is because he's sooo good looking!! which makes me feel bad (this doesn't count towards his address to congress, i genuinely watched that for political purposes....ok 60% political 40% to oogle him..and Michelle). for instance today..yesterday? he had a sit down with the president of Brazil. I watched until my boredom overtook my lust (total viewing time: 10 mins max) he's just too good looking for his own good....wow that sounded creepy and disgusting. That's probably my cue to just end this.

you're magnetized!!!!

so I have the tendency when I eat something and I really really like it, to say that I could live off of it for the rest of my life. and being the person that I am, that list is pretty long. But I'd have to say that I could definitely definitely for sure live off of noodles with butter and parmasean cheese......it's soooooo good!!! but any who. I can't wait to go home for spring break and see my family. i didn't think I would miss them so much, but I do. I really really miss my little brother. and my puppy dog.

(I couldn't decide which picture I liked the most)

she's soo cute!

Anyways I'm watching "Under the Tuscan Sun" and I love this movie the more and more I watch it....this is only the second I've watched it, but I still really like it...Diane Lane is awesome!!! I'm always for the movies with women being independent and man-free and all that jazz.

the end, off to make buttered noodles and parmasean cheese.

to whom it may concern

dear sir,

i miss you so much....and what sucks the most is that i can't have you back. i can still feel your hugs after all this time. at night when i'm laying in bed, if i close my eyes real tight, i can feel you next me. this is the worst feeling ever. i've tried on so many occasions to rid myself of my feelings for you and i have yet to achieve it. for some reason my heart just can't let go....it's still missing the piece you took with you. a part of me still regrets not getting a proper goodbye after our last visit......but the other part of me isn't ready to say goodbye....most of the time i'm at my wit's end over here trying to bury these feelings and put on a happy face and pretend that i really do only see you as a friend. it's so hard. i really don't know what i was trying to say to this...i guess just that i miss you......


love sydney