forgive me father for i have i sinned

attending catholic school for 7 out of the 21 3/4 years of my life that phrase was nothing new to me, even though thank gooseness i'm not catholic so i got to sit twiddle my thumbs and daydream while my fellow classmates participated in confession

anywayss, moving on to my original point, i admit that self doubt will probably be my downfall..but only if i allow it. i'd consider myself the be pretty confident with relatively high self esteem...but when it comes to academic self esteem i definitely need to work on that. i have tendency to compare myself to more successful peers and put myself down. this really kicked into high gear yesterday when i discovered that columbia university has a master's program in contemporary art curatorial studies. i'm definitely going to apply...just worried about getting in, but my good friend maureen is my designated talk me down from the ledge in terms of my academic future. thank goodness for her.

just started getting into bravo's work of art...i'll admit i bitched about it when i first found out it was coming out, but after watching it, it's sooo good!! i admire the artists on the show for being able to create awesome pieces of art on the spot like that. so cool.

so i'm super broke at the moment. so broke i don't have $ for gas which means i'm basically on lockdown until my parents get back in town. bree is so nice, she really wants to go out tonight and is willing to spot me so i can go out too. she is truly truly my best friend, i would do anything for that girl i swear.

random sidenote: gilmore girls is such an awesome show!! despite the fact that there were basically zero black people in it, it's a pretty fun show..i remember i used to watch it all the time when it was on tv for real and not syndication.

guess that's it on the rambling

hey girl hey!

meet brianna. (she's the girl on the right)

this girl right here has been my best friend

for 7 years. she has always ALWAYS

been there for me when i needed

her and she has never once judged

me. (trust me i've had many moments

where i chose not to use my best

judgement)

we jokingly call each other our "ride or die"

but i know bree will always be there for

me no matter what.

she's like a sister to me.

i'm writing this post, because i just got

off the phone with her

after a 5 hour STRAIGHT conversation.

i love this girl and i know we're going to

be lifelong friends.

true happiness

I may have mentioned my happiness before….but I’m going to talk about it again…

I am genuinely, truly happy. Regardless of school stress, people annoying me, etc. at the end of the day I really am happy. And it feels so good to be able to say that. I’ve been through the depression game before and it was the worst. It amazes me how much one single person could have on my emotions and how I deal with things; and how once that person isn’t in my life anymore things change, because I definitely have been there…more than once with the same person. But I’m good…really good. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy for such a long period of time before. I think my high self esteem has a lot to do with that too…lord knows I’ve had issues with myself in the past, but over the past months I’ve really come to love who I am as a person as well as accept my body as is. Granted there are times were I diss my ever expanding thighs and muffin top and talk about myself to myself, but overall I love my body. I love my boobs, my hourglass figure, my freckles, everything. I’ll admit that it’s nice to hear that from guys, but to be able to say that to myself and believe it means so much more.

So yea. Had to get that out.

Anyways in honor of stupid valentine’s day coming up I decided to buy myself some flowers

Yes I took 3 different pictures…I just wanted to show the different views…I’m embarrassed to say that when I picked them out I actually asked for “more purple”…yep just like that lol. I think i love purple too much.

Going to see Brianna again this weekend super super excited! We had fun last weekend, but I guess we didn’t get all the partying out of our system lol it’ll be fun.

Back to fudge brownie eating and horrible reality tv watching

deep breaths

i have a really bad habit of mentally

going ape shit when things go wrong

then because i'm so pissed other things that wouldn't

ordinarily piss me off do...

BUT! then my friends come to my rescue without even realizing it

thank gooseness for friends

especially best friends

mustang sally!

another oh-mm-jee post

last night was EPIC!!! lol

first off bree drove ALLL the way from warrensburg (about 45mins away from kc) after getting back from omaha to kc to go out with me and we didn't leave my house until after midnight,

after we spent forever looking for a f-ing parking spot i realized

i left my clutch at home. so back to the cooper household we went.

got to the club, couldn't find the guys we were supposed to meet up with. in that time someone's father (ok i really don't know if he was someone's father, he was just definitely

older than my age prefence lol) trying to spit game to me. it was so sad.

so we find the guys, bree's friend buys us drinks and we hit the dance area. a bunch of guys came up to us trying to dance with us...some not even saying anything, just grinding on us.

now i'm not that kind of girl that dances like that. i got that all out of my system during high school...i'm past over it. these dudes were for real getting mad when we told them we don't dance...like MAD! i was amazed! it was kind of funny to see them get so up set...like their manhood had been damaged...whatever!

2nd part of the night:

we leave the club when it leaves...this is about 3am. (keep in mind i'm technically supposed to have a curfew of 2am)

we go to bree's friend's cousin's house (i know i know lol). it's super awlward at first, because it's mostly his cousins there. in honor of the birthday boy we take a couple of shots...i had 1/2 shots, because i am a serious serious lightweight. as you can guess i got pretty drunk pretty fast. i ended up playing wii tennis with the birthday boy and then brianna....who i ended up beating while playing with my back to the screen (don't ask me how i managed that lol)

then i may or may not have made out with bree's friend....just to note i swear i'm usually not THAT girl. actually this is only the second time in my whole life i've ever done that.

but i must admit i definitely enjoyed it lol....mostly because i haven't been kissed in so long...and he was a really good kisser...well at least drunk sydney thought so.

so we didn't leave until after 5. stopped on the way home so i could pee...behind a tree in someone's yard. we didn't get inside my house until almost 6am, because i waited until we were a few blocks away to tell bree i was supposed to be home at 2 and she was scared to come inside lol.

overall last night was soo much fun...i couldn't of asked for a better way to end my break..even though i don't go back until sat. but still the night was amazingly fun.

(not really sure how i feel about this format for long stories)

A long long time ago...

'Ello! ...it always feels weird saying "hello" to a non-someone...anyways where should I start? how about the most heart-wrenching? ok!

For the past week my very bestest bestie in the whole wide world is visiting her le-boyfriend in Cali. i was really worried they weren't going to see each other til august....we can't be having that...but it all worked out!!! they are sooooooo cute together!! yay for love!!

right now I'm watching ghostbusters 2..loves it! not as much as ghostbusters 1, but it'll do. can I just say that the whole concept of grad school is dumb and overrated?! it is! and I really really don't want to go...I hate to say it but the main reason I'm going is so I could live in another city...and to eventually make good $$. the only problem I'm running into is my rediculously horrible of a gpa...i decided to stay an extra year to keep working on it..it sucks. being an average student in high school was ok...but that definitely doesn't cut it once you get to college. UGH! and this whole OPERATION FIND SYDNEY A COMPANION is NOT working out whatsoever...although I guess it doesn't help that no is here in columbia for the summer and I really don't put myself out there for the guys I really want to date..blurg. It's just that whenever I've been in any kind of relationship with a guy he's always approached me...I've never had to really do the chasing. I guess I should be grateful for that, but it doesn't help my situation...ugh again.

I have no idea what i want to do with my life...I know I want to be a curator...I want to end up in either d.c. chicago or nyc....idk

tomorrow I have to go see a cardiologist because apparently i have a rapid heartbeat. I'm hoping i don't have heart disease...then i'll have to hear all the crap about excercising and eating right again....not really up for hearing that again.

1 1/2 months until my 21st birthday? I'm suuuuper excited to get piss ass wasted drunk legally! can't wait! not sure if i want a party or just go bar hopping...not really big on the bar scene here, but I guess I have some time to think it about. i know it sounds really sad, but I really want a bf by the time my bday rolls around...or at least a guy who I'm dating exclusively....not really sure WHY but it would be nice to have one.....is it weird to fb friend someone who i've never spoken to, but who's seen me on an almost daily basis? i'll admit that I request ppl who've i've never said two words to sometimes, but this guy i definitely have a crush on this guy...he's the epitome of my type.

i have to admit the plain white t's always come up with some catchy songs/videos.this one made me tear up..it's great:




(i forgot they sang that "hate is a strong a word" song ...loves it!)

this song has some pretty good memories associated with it...it's still hard to listen to without thinking about those memories...but it's all good...still an awesome to listen to..especially when it's played on the guitar




I guess that's all for now...adios!