Friday, November 20, 2009

all that glitters is not gold

lesson of the week: be prepared things change....people throw you for loops....your feelings get hurt...
..then you cry, bitch & moan to your friends...then you pick yourself up by your bootstraps (even though my physics teacher senior year of high school taught us that it's physically impossible, because of gravity and blah blah blah) you tell yourself things are going to be ok..because they are. life is hard sometimes, people can let you down, but it's not the end of the world. moping around with a rain cloud hovering over your head doesn't change things, you have to change them for yourself. sure it's ok to be sad and hurt, but you can't stay in that state of mind especially if the other person is going about their business.

i had to do all of these things the past few's been hard, but i have great friends and surprise phone calls from the best mommy in the world

i'm glad turkey day break starts tomorrow...a whole week at home has been much needed.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

lists lists and more lists

things to do to get back on the good side of the universe..list
1. stop cursing so much...not cute
2. stop sleeping in my clothes so often
3. stop skipping class
4. stop procrastinating so much
5. stop envying others
6. take better care of my hair
7. stop saying mean things to people (whether it be out loud or in my head)
8. be more grateful for my family, especially my marmar
9. stop the "what-if questions"
10. stop staying up til all hours of the night
11. read more
12. clean my room more often
13. stop selling myself short
14. just say "no" to people instead of lying when I don't want to hang out with them
15. stop freaking out about the future
whew lordy that's a long list...i'm sure there's more, but that's all i can think of for now
hopefully this list will help my current situation

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

sealion woman

i lead such sad life...last night at 2 something in the morning instead of sleeping i was googling "design your own wedding dress"...and going to different websites designing wedding dresses...and here i am super tired as a result. which leads me to the 2nd reason my life is sad, i woke up 45 mins before my alram went off, couldn't go back to bed so i spent the whole time laying in bed making up interviews between myself and the different talk if i was on a press/media tour or whatever after becoming famous. no lie. i was on ellen, good morning america, oprah, conan o'brian, all those shows...being interviewed. for 45 mins...ok i may have spent part of that time trying to go back to sleep, but most of it was interview time. then i had to make the choice between showering and eating breakfast, because i don't have time to do both. ..i guess i do, but there's a high chance i'd be late to class. and i went to sleep hungry which i hate. and i guess if i had eaten when i woke up i wouldn't be in this delimma, but i figure i shower everyday my body can't be that bad....and i only have 2 classes today. it's not like i'm going to meet the president or anything. so as a result here i am in bed eating a bagel with cream cheese, blogging with my new homie feist playing. i loooove her music, it always puts me in a good mood.

i really need to get the 3rd season of 30 rock..and fast.

so excited for turkey day break, can't wait to hang out with bree again, i miss her so much!!

well i guess i should get ready for class..

on second thought i might have time for a quick shower...

Monday, November 9, 2009

good grief

why am i even in school? i am doing some major student failing at the current moment...not failing my grades are actually pretty good, it's just the whole going to class thing that i'm failing at. i guess i should get it all out of my system now before next semester rolls around and i won't be able to miss any class.

my chest hurts so bad...damn pms. how is it guys go through nothing! ..ok some things happen to them, but the bulk of it gets dumped on us women...this shit hurts! jeez!

maybe that was too much info..

anyways..i need to read a book. for fun. it's so hard to do while school is in session. i've been reading hill harper's book "letters to a young sister" since this past march...still not done. so sad. maybe over turkey day break i'll get some reading done...hmm


oh me oh my....these past few days..week or two..or more have been kinda sorta rough dealing with my feelins about some people..i'm scared he's going to find someone better, prettier, smarter, richer than me before we get another chance...or at least see each other again and that scares me to death.

i want to tell him how i feel, but i'm scared he's going to either think i'm silly or get upset that i think his feelings for me aren't as strong as they really are...for instance tonight he got a little hurt, because i asked him if i could still see him over spring break even though we agreed to these plans weeks ago...i was just asking to make sure he didn't forget since we usually talk about winter break..i guess he did remember, which made me happy, but i felt bad that he was sad. but then i made him laugh so it was ok.

he still means so much to me...

jeez louise i can't go one post without spilling my guts ... those 3 words can be FATAL...but they are nice to hear.

good grief i love this song
the chorus sums up how i feel perfectly

Saturday, November 7, 2009

when life gives you lemons... lay in bed making red 3D paper hearts pretending to not wait for someone to call you back even though you're really really hoping they do.

sometimes life can be unfair and the universe can be's during these times you have to keep on truckin and don't give up can be really hard at times, but when you get those surprise messages, calls and realize it's totally worth it..

now it's time to just deal.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

i was just thinking about you

i hope ex lovah and i get a second chance...he still makes me happy...

it's our anniversary

(did i spell that right?)
anyways, today marks the one year anniversary of the election of the first black us president barack this day i am still amazed he is our president (in a good way) normally this happens when i see him on tv or pictures of the him and his family together. it really warms my heart to know that my first time voting was voting for the first black president. my mom used to always tell me that you never forget voting in your first presidential election (hers was jimmy carter) now i really won't'll be a story to tell my grand-nephews/nieces (see what i did there, didn't say grandkids b.c i'm not having kids! lol. sorry thought that was really clever of me)

i'm currently laying in's alomst 2 in the afternoon. couldn't get to sleep last night was up until at least 3:30am. woke up before my alarm went off this morning and could not bring myself to get out of bed..i've been telling people i overslept. after i decided not to go to my first class i went back to sleep ignoring the fact that i had a 2nd class. i'm such a bad student...but at the moment i don't care. i had a rough night emotionally...cried about ex-lovah even though i kept trying to distract myself so i wouldn't think about bad things. didn't really help. as a result i don't feel like doing anything for the time being....had my breakfast/lunch which consisted of me eating my brownie mound with a fork in bed...i still need to shower and brush my teeth and all that jazz. don't really want to. most likely i'll end up staying in bed reading my favorite blog this is probably going to sound weird but *sidenote time: anytime someone starts a sentence with a phrase like that, or "i'm not racist, but" or "i'm not trying to sound mean, but" 100 times out of 100 they are going to say something along the lines of whatever the sentence started with...that being said my upcoming statement will most likely sound weird* when i'm feeling down and out and super sad i always read the aforementioned blog...i start from the very beginning. idk what it is, but it makes me feel so much better about finding love. the last time i read it all the way through i favorited my favorite posts (super weird i know) here they are:

ok i may have lied, i forgot to favorite the posts until i was almost at the end, nevertheless these 2 are really good. i think this blog is good for anyone questioning love...i know i definitely helps me to realize i can't give up on my search and keep hope alive

that's all i guess....

Sunday, November 1, 2009