she works hard for the money

..or in my case WILL be working hard for the money. yesterday chatoyya and i drove all over columbia picking up applications..when i say "all over" i mean just at the mall...but we did get a bunch and i turned ones into joann's fabrics and hobby lobby. we're supposed to go back to the mall later today to hand in the ones we picked up yesterday. at this point i don't even care where i work as long as i get a job. thursday i decided i was gonna go home this weekend out of the blue, almost started crying when i found out i didn't have enough money for gas to get there. BUT the brightside is yesterday i discovered that the french quiz i originally thought was the monday after this upcoming monday is really taking place this upcoming monday...in a few days. i never can get any work done while i'm home, so it's probably for the best.

bard college FINALLY posted their application for their curatorial studies ma program...it's really pathetic the number of times i logged on the application website to see if it was posted lol. anyways, it made me really excited to fill it out. i REALLY REALLY REALLY hope i get accepted...i'd be happy to get into any of the schools i'm applying to, but I'm in love with bard and it's been my #1 since i decided to go to grad school for curatorial studies. so fingers have officially been crossed.

moving on...my list of things i want to get as soon as i start getting regular paychecks keeps growing..it's so bad. i can't decide which holga camera i want lol. i really like the classic black because it has a flash, but the other one is purple!!! if i could find a purple holga WITH a flash oh i'd be in there like swimwear!

aren't they pretty?!

had a dream last night that some gangster like guy who ran my town came to visit my apartment building and to keep him from taking all our money and stuff my parents basically promised me to him in marriage. bad thing is in my dream i didn't even have a problem with it...it was so weird...what's also weird is that the guy was really good looking and not that old. but then again it just follows the pattern of me having off the wall dreams.

guess i'll go back to filling out this michael's online application..they said it's supposed to take 45 minutes! not happy about that...but i guess it's worth it since i need a job like 2 months ago..

lazzzzy ass

what did i do today?

slept on and off til about 3-3:30..didn't up and showered til about 5 to go get food. yes that was the only time i left the house.

other than that just sat in bed watching tv and internet hopping. mostly i acted like i don't have a critique for my art class to prepare for, don't have french to study for and readings for harlem renaissance which i skipped on friday to take a personal day....yes i got a major f in productivity today...but it felt nice not doing anything

also i may or may not have thought about how nice it was to cuddle with him...BUT NOT IN A ROMANTIC I MISS HIM SORT OF WAY...just in a i wanna cuddle sort of way...idk whatever

i really need a haircut...badly.

and i want that ring!! i'm thinking that if i can save the $ for it, i might make it a graduation present to myself...BUT if i somehow get the $ before i graduate i'm so getting it. it's so pretty!! speaking of materialism, last night i discovered that columbia photo currently not only has holga cameras in sale, and color holga cameras for that matter, but (drum roll please) THEY THEM IN VIOLET!! i'm definitely definitely getting that camera..and for $40?! hell yes! i know i really need to stop adding things to my "things to get with my paycheck" list..good news is i got my new social security card in the mail today so no more excuses, i HAVE to apply this week.

wish i had something more profound and meaningful to say, but i don't..that's cool

bitchfest 2010 part 1 of an unending series

school is dumb

guys are lame

i hate admitting to having feelings for people (NOT p btw...i can truthfully say, while swearing on a harry potter book that i am over him)

i'm tired of being single

still don't understand why and how people think rape jokes are funny. they're not. they never will be and never have been. i don't care if tina fey writes the joke..rape isn't funny.

finally..

i want this ring the way lindsay lohan wants crack (yea i went there)

isn't simply gorgeous?! it kills me that it's $700...BUT good thing is it's #1 on my "things i'm gonna buy with my first paycheck" list(still working on that whole priorities thing). even though i have yet to apply to said any job. i loves it and has to have it. even though it's an engagement ring, i needs it. now i'm not craycray, it'd totally wear it on my middle finger.

the snl premiere tonight was sooo good!!! they brought everybody back and amy poehler was a great host

time for bed

how about a quickie?

been avoiding blogging for the past few weeks...

mainly because angelica's mom passed away about 3 1/2 weeks ago and i wasn't sure if i wanted to talk about it on here or if i even should. even as i write this i keep deleting and rewriting...not sure exactly what to say...out of respect to angelica and her mom i won't go into any details...my heart still goes out to her...

school has been stressful as fuck. french is killing me...took the first quiz last week..i'll just say that i didn't fail, but i didn't exactly get a C...lol. i know i should care more...buuut....yea. getting through modern art without stabbing myself in the neck is getting harder and harder. on the upside i am LOVING my harlem renaissance class, i have to give my professor props, she's doing a great job...i was skeptical at first since she's white, but she's definitely on top of her game. almost done with my first 3D art project...it turned out soo good considering it was the project from hell and the number one stresser...on my second trip to michaels on saturday i ran over a turtle....was totally traumatized. as soon as i'm completely done i'll post pictures.

new celebrity crush: donald glover

he plays troy on community, used to write for 30 rock (!!!!!!), and a part of derrick comedy. ALSO he's a rapper and goes by the stage name childish gambino. he's pretty awesome. i have to admit, it took a little while for community to grow on me, but as a whole the show is pretty clever and really funny. anyways he's pretty cool..love his music and i've always liked derrick comedy.

guess that's all for now..

delirious. thank you fever

in bed pantless rewatching scooby doo episodes i was too delirious to watch earlier and eating strawberry poptarts.

whatever sickness i have has me going through it! last night i was all up in my feelings about someone i should not have feelings for (p in case it wasn't already obvious) ran to get subway at the on campus market, seriously almost passed out. i was cold, but felt soo hot.

actually showered today (couldn't muster up enough energy to yesterday..gross i know) at first i just stood there, then i realized how good the hot water felt so i decided to take a bath. but then the water was taking too long to run, so i just sat in the tub while the shower ran and filled up the tub. it was sooo nice just sitting there with the hot water on. thought i was doing better until i went to get food and almost passed out...again. ugh. at least i don't feel like i'm dying like i did yesterday.

i could really go for a footlong sonic coney dog..yummers!

emmy's are tonight..i wish i liked award shows..i used to a little when i was younger, but it's hard watching movies/people/shows you like and want to win, lose. so far the only thing that has made me excited for the emmy's are keith powell's (toofer from 30 rock) twitter pictures from the red carpet (yes i'm a creeper)

i heard a ringing in my ear earlier today and it really creeped me out. it was the yearly school hearing test type ringing. freaky!

rip sydney

sooo i'm currently laying (lying?) on my death bed with a weird sinus headache/cold thing. last night was HORRIBLE! hung out with a friend and sniffled and sneezed all night. what's really embarrassing, but totally makes sense to happen in my life, is trying to discreetly wipe your nose and continuously keep yourself from sneezing during certain adult activities. yes, welcome to my life.

he gave me sudafed which helped a little, but when i woke up this morning i thought i was dying! had to run to wally world on my way home and seriously stood in the cold/allergy aisle trying to decide which medicine matched my self diagnosis. so far the sinus headache stuff hasn't worked and neither has the cold/flu dayquil. i'm hungry, but it hurts to move so i haven't gotten up to leave to eat....basically this is a complaining post.

i'm a closet dramaqueen. my leo tendencies are hidden: i love love love being the center of attention, but would never openly admit to it..or act like it. BUT that all changes as soon as i get sick. i complain to who ever will listen. i always say i'm on my deathbed or dying from ebola...even with the smallest cold. class definitely suffers when i'm sick. but then again hypochonria is in my genes, so technically it's not my fault....lol.

i could really use some ibprofen right about now.

it's times like this i wish i had a booski to take care of me and listen to me whine(more like keep him hostage with me) ...that'd be so nice.

my throat hurts so much!

creepy alert: i'm watching this special on hell on the history channel (yes i'm lame) and this catholic religious guy has a radio show and played a recording from some mining place who sent microphones super deep into the earth to record whatever. and the recording isn't like the usual paranormal ghost sounds: fuzzy, garbled, doesn't really sound like anything. BUT the recording the catholic guy had sounded like real people screaming...it was super weird. of course ppl are saying it's fake, and i'm not saying i believe it's a recording of hell. i will say that i have watched my fair share of ghost hunting shows (once again, i've acknowledged my lameness) to tell that either it's fake or something else is going on down wherever the recording was taken from.

just sayin.

i have stupid french homework due tonight. i'm so over this class.

back to my death bed i guess

stupid school

school is dumb.

i can't wait to graduate.

somehow i ended up not getting called on at all today in french class, but then i failed the first quiz. that's what happens in sydney's world, which btw is ruled by karma. *sigh* oh well. thank gooseness it's friday. unfortunately i have no extra spending $$ for booze....uggggh!

i really should stop complaining. maybe i'll get started on my grad school shit again. this morning i decided that even though i want to take a break before grad school, i'm still gonna apply to bard college. if i don't get in for next fall then i'll still go on break. if i do...then yay! so that's my mission.

i miss my puppydog Ginger...i would call home to talk to her (yes i have my parents hold the phone to her ear while i say hi) buuut after the conversation i had with my mom yesterday, i think i'm gonna lay low for awhile..usually that works.

as of now my booskie requirements are as follows: must make me laugh, won't judge me for being messy & eating in bed, and will give me lots of hugs & kisses. now i do have standards but at this point, this is what i want.

last thing: this morning pandora introduced me to lissy trullie....soo good!! florence + the machine pandora station was such a good idea!

ok i'm done rambling...really i'm missing the major fight going on on the bad girls club lol.

until next time!

thursdays are bad days

so my younger sister has a theory (with evidence to back it up) that thursdays are bad days. when i have bad days i agree with her. i'd give today a C, maybe a high B. ok there were A worthy moments, but i'm talking an overall grade.

today in a nutshell:

lied to my french professor

almost killed myself during modern art

started my sketches

first day back at the art league

counted all the $ in the drawer correctly the first time (this never happens)

possibly ruined my mom's credit score

lied to my RA to get out of a hall social event

I have to give myself credit, because since monday i've started a "talking bad about people" fast. that is one of my worst habits. so i've stopped saying mean things out loud and as soon as i think something mean i tell myself to stop. i know it's not some nobel peace prize winning thing, but it's something i don't like about myself and after boohooing on monday i realized i had no right to talk about anybody. so there we go.

i had much more to say earlier today..oh well!

ps: i got one of those automatic glade spray freshner thingys. yea it scares the shit out of me b.c it's so freaking loud when it sprays and i don't keep time of every 36 mins that go by.

postin' in the mornin'

all mf-ing summer (ok so really since about mid june) my body has grown accustomed to a new sleep schedule: sleepy by 10:30pm, awake before 8am. at first i was annoyed because i was getting up before 9am for no reason..except for the days i volunteer. but then i realized it could be a good thing since lord knows my sleep schedule last semester was all kinds of fucked up. ok so we're finally at what i really wanted to talk about. last semester was without a doubt my toughest semester. about march i was highly considering dropping out of some of my classes. but i made it through and it still puts a smile on my face to know that i came out with NOTHING below a B during my hardest semester. so proud of myself.

my last semester will be somewhat tough too. taking my last 3 credits of french...i haven't taken french since high school...it should be interesting. i'm also worried about the 3D art class, i've only taken one other art class in high school and the only reason i got an A was b.c my teacher was hippie- down with the institution of rules, etc. and as long as i gave some bullshit explanation of the meaning behind my work i'd get a good grade. but i have a big feeling i'm gonna have to actually put effort into my assignments with this class...it's just hard for me to be creative on a deadline. idk..we'll see how it goes.

anyways, bree, gianni and i went to soul sessions last night. i love love love spoken word. it always makes me wish i could write poetry. there was one artist there named truespeech who was definitely my favorite, but i can't find him anywhere.

i go back to good ol' mizzou in about two weeks. as much as i bitch about the school sometimes i'm excited to see the lovely campus again. the house i'll be living in will give me new scenery as opposed to where my dorm was last year. i'm also excited about living in the house. there's only going to be 26 of us, two people to a bathroom, we have our own laundry room and there's two kitchens. guess i'm also excited because i won't be in a dorm.

might get to wear my new dress this weekend!! as much as i whine about not having enough clothes, i'm not a big shopper. mostly because it's hard for me to spend $ on clothes..very picky about prices especially when money is tight. BUT this dress is bad if i do say so myself, i've been giving myself pats on the back since i bought it lol. so excited to go dancing in it!

that's all for now i guess...back to harry potter 2

and so it was written

here's the game plan: move to nyc next sept. hopefully i'll have a friend with me (started getting katie's thinking wheels turning today after i jokingly but in all seriousness asked her to move with me..i think it worked because she started looking at apts in chelsea and greenwich village on craigslist..yay!) that being said my plan is to work 2 jobs (possibly 3 if i can make it work) from the time i graduate until sept. which means the whole internship will be put on hold...getting out of the hellhole that is kansas city (and i use the word hellhole in the nicest way) so there's that. lord help me.

i was gonna talk about p, but my brain is tired so i'm not.

i keep meaning to download janelle monae's new stuff, but i keep forgetting.

and i'm almost out of my burberry brit perfume..sadness.

i think i'm just talking to talk...or type? hmm.

bring it down a notch please

wow last night was bad for my emotions...thanks non existent alcohol limit. on the outside i was totally fine, but the animated in my head lizzie mcguire me was tipping over filing cabinets and kicking over office coolers hulk style..(yes the inside of my mind is an office setting...not sure why) thank goodness twitter got the majority of my drunken rage.(not counting the previous post which was drunkenly typed)...it was baaaad. BUT! only shed a few tears..go me!!! it could've been worse, i could've been spilling my guts to my friends while out at some club all sloppy drunk like...at least last night i was in the comfort of my own home with my computer...which thinking about about it the latter is probably worse, but whatever. i still have a lot of pent up emotion since i never express how i truly feel...guess i'm saving it all up for when i can actually afford to go to a therapist.

In other news, decided that I’m going to buy myself a macbook for graduation this December. I’ve wanted one for the longest time (years) and I was considering pooling together whatever xmas and graduation $$ I get, but I really want this and it would mean a lot more to me if I bought it on my own. SO between paying off these school bills and saving for new laptop things are going to be pretty tight..i need a job sooo bad. Fingers crossed I get one.

Excited to go back…mostly because I need to get out of this house..fast. I’m also excited because it’s my last semester! Then time to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t wait.

purple has always been my favorite color

chicago pictures are still on their way....actually to be honest they might just not come at all..which is fine since they're all up on fb already. even though i probably should just put them on here anyway since it's a lot easier than the grief fb put me through...we'll see.

in other news, went on a little shopping trip with katie, a good friend from high school. we had a nice little chat about grad school. told her about my anxiety attack/nervous breakdown. good to know i'm the only one worried about it. then she asked me a question that since i decided what i wanted to study, i've never asked myself, "have you considered taking time off before going to grad school?" idk why, but ever since i figured out that i want to study curatorial studies, that question never crossed my mind. and the more and more i think about it, it sounds like a good idea. still pondering it..

found a cute cute dress for tonight's festivities with bree and kalisha. of course after squeezing into 6 other dresses...i came to the conclusion that i must wear a size XL in forever 21 dresses and not L anymore. which i don't mind, it just sucks realizing that in the dressing room...after i ripped part of the seam on one dress.oops. ended up with an adorable cream smock type dress that goes to about my knees..so excited to wear it.

now i'll admit i personally don't believe in love at first sight...or at least i didn't until we were walking through nordstrom's on our way out:

isn't it GORGEOUS?! i literally stopped dead in my tracks. and i'll admit i'm not one of those girls that follows designers or knows a lot about their collections, but this marc jacobs purse is the bees knees!! i almost cried when i looked at the price $500 :(( if it had been about $450 cheaper i would've spent every dime i had in my wallet to buy it. it makes my heart go pitter patter lol.

tuesday my sperry's from chicago came in:

it's hard to tell, but the patten leather part of the shoe is purple and the plaid is purple/lavender. these stopped me dead in my tracks too. not only did i get them on sale for $30 below the original price, but i got free shipping too!! i've worn them everywhere with everything!

have mentioned how excited i am for the part 1 of the 7th harry potter movie? i am. super super excited! daniel radcliffe looks sooo good now that he's grown out of his awkward teenager "i look like harry potter even when i'm not in costume" phase. can't wait!!

guess that's all for now

happy birfday to me...and all that jazz

i've been seriously putting off this post for the longest time...laziness i guess.

anyways, where do i start? i guess chicago is a good place

last week my sister and i joined my mumsie in the windy city for about 5 days. it was sooo nice! granted my sister and i got on each other nerves, but i loved loved LOVED the city! it was a real city..i loved crossing the street against traffic, i loved all the people everywhere, i loved the constant honking. the thought of living in a big city (chicago may not seem big, but i've lived in kansas city all my life) used to always scare me...actually going to one made me so excited to move. unfortunately the connection i thought i was going to feel at the grad school at SAIC never happened. idk if it was because the tour was 16 hours long or because my sister was annoying me, but i just did not feel it. which i guess could be a good thing so i don't have to waste $ applying there. chicago pictures coming soon...probably...hopefully

so after chicago came my birthday (sunday august 1st) . i was pretty lowkey about it, 22 isn't that big of deal to me. yes i should be thankful i lived another year..i am..buut i still wasn't that excited..idk. ended up spending about 9 hours of it on a train back home..which wasn't bad. so glad i brought the harry potter book to read again and spent a week downloading movies. i surprisingly got some good sleep too. had good conversations with p while in chicago and on the train...he's still special to me even if we are just friends.

so back in kansas city...unfortunately. i'm so sick of volunteering...all i do is sit at the visiter's desk, try not to fall asleep and tell grown ass people who don't know how to read signs that food and liquid is not allowed in the museum. *sigh* i have to keep talking myself down from the ledge when i freak out about not doing an internship and how even though the experience would've been nice, it's not going to ruin my life. i definitely had a nervous breakdown about grad school last and almost cried until p calmed me down. it's just that i'm so worried that i don't have enough experience to put on my cv and i won't get into grad school. but then i made the executive decision that if i don't get into grad school i'm still going to move away. i'm keeping the destination a secret unti the time comes to make that decision. but i'm definitely definitely moving away next august...or possibly next may/june...we'll see.

what else is new?

bought new sperry's while in chi city. purple plaid..so cute.. and so me. still working on getting a pair of toms..even though they're about $30 more than i'd like to pay for them and they look goofy on my feet..but details details.

so ready for school to start...can't believe it's my last semester..kind of freaky.

guess that's all for now...

want some cheese with that whine?

sometimes (i'm using that word in the loosest terms) i feel bad when i get all complainy about my life. like now for instance. i'm really hoping chicago and get me out of my slump (i think that's the word i want...i've been typing this post in my head all day and of course when i sit down to write it out i forget what i want to say). i hate being in my slump because i'm irritable and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. and i'm pissed at the same time. i wish i was one of those girls that cussed the people she is mad at over the phone. i know that would feel so good right about now. but i'm not.


..stupid slump.


had a big mac today...the crazy bout of itis i got after i ate it was totally worth it. and my mom sister and bree and i are going to see dreamgirls tonight. so excited. (i keep telling myself i'm excited so maybe i will get excited because i wasn't crazy about the movie but maybe the musical will be better..i just said yes because the tickets were free)

naptime

weirdo

a few weeks ago i randomly asked my mom if she ever thanks heaven for her not coming out as a conjoined twin...the look she gave me was priceless. of course she laughed and said no, then i went on to explain that on a semi regular basis i thank the lord i didn't come out that way. pretty sure she thinks i'm weird now, but it was pretty funny at the time. for some reason i just thought of that and it made me smile.

annoyed

i want to officially make an ademdum (i have no idea how to spell that word, i just really like the way it sounds) to my post about my stl trip. i'm retracting my "i felt loved" statement. it's a long story i don't want to get into i've had weeks to think about it and i'm taking it out.

anyways. i hate hate hate feeling annoyed...it's so aggrevating. and a waste of time. right now i'm currently very annoyed and the problem is that i can only blame myself. yes my annoyance stems from other people and their bullshit, but it's not like i haven't seen it before..i should know by now. you'd think i'd learn my lesson by now but of course i haven't. there's an episode of sex and the city (yes i'm referencing this show) in which carrie goes through another heartbreak with big. she comes to the conclusion that maybe she is a masachist (once again idk if i spelled that right and i'm too lazy for spell check) because even though she knows big is going to hurt her she keeps going back to him. it's crazy. life is crazy sometimes...or in my case all the time.


on a lighter note, i started studying for the gre today..it's pretty intimidating. but i know if i keep working at it and stay diligent when it comes to studying for it, i can do well. i cannot cannot get lazy about this test. i need a pretty good score to offset my shitty gpa...we shall see.

also, new episode of psych tonight. i love love that show...it's still hilarious.

i don't really have much else to say..wish i had more happy things to talk about it lol.

forgive me father for i have i sinned

attending catholic school for 7 out of the 21 3/4 years of my life that phrase was nothing new to me, even though thank gooseness i'm not catholic so i got to sit twiddle my thumbs and daydream while my fellow classmates participated in confession

anywayss, moving on to my original point, i admit that self doubt will probably be my downfall..but only if i allow it. i'd consider myself the be pretty confident with relatively high self esteem...but when it comes to academic self esteem i definitely need to work on that. i have tendency to compare myself to more successful peers and put myself down. this really kicked into high gear yesterday when i discovered that columbia university has a master's program in contemporary art curatorial studies. i'm definitely going to apply...just worried about getting in, but my good friend maureen is my designated talk me down from the ledge in terms of my academic future. thank goodness for her.

just started getting into bravo's work of art...i'll admit i bitched about it when i first found out it was coming out, but after watching it, it's sooo good!! i admire the artists on the show for being able to create awesome pieces of art on the spot like that. so cool.

so i'm super broke at the moment. so broke i don't have $ for gas which means i'm basically on lockdown until my parents get back in town. bree is so nice, she really wants to go out tonight and is willing to spot me so i can go out too. she is truly truly my best friend, i would do anything for that girl i swear.

random sidenote: gilmore girls is such an awesome show!! despite the fact that there were basically zero black people in it, it's a pretty fun show..i remember i used to watch it all the time when it was on tv for real and not syndication.

guess that's it on the rambling

hey there crazy lady/oh for fucks sake

i couldn't decide on a title so i chose both..geez that's sad.

i know this is going to come out really REALLY bad when i type it out, but i do things that really make me question my sanity..for instance humming outloud at elevated volumes which i don't realize i do until a passerby gives me a quizzical look (who i sounded halfway intelligent just then) or have ten minute conversations with myself which i don't realize took place until i notice i just walked halfway across campus. i'm now adding to the list my newly acquired british accent which my thinking voice now speaks in for some strange reason. (i almost said my inside my head voice, but that really does make me sound crazy) idk if it's a result of the gross # of hours i've spent watching poirot or what but it's really weird.


once again my mom has put her nonexistent medical degree to good use and diagnosed me as having diabetes because i was drinking a lot of water today..normally this woman has to tie me down to drink more than 3 glasses a day now i have diabetes?! parents are crazy i swear.


was seriously considering reading the book ulysses because of all the hubbub surrounding the ulysses comic, ipad censors and a small peen shown in the comic....but then i read what it was about and passed...that wasn't rude was it?

speaking of rude i told my mom that my brother should stick to playing soccer come high school and such b.c another black kid playing bball with hopes of going to the nba was such a cliche..then i realized that was sooo rude to say lol. ohwells


i really need to find something to do with my life, b.c my fb stalking is at an all time high. the only reason i befriend some ppl from hs is to check out their page and see what they've been doing with their life, but sometimes i become jealous at their educational endeavors. never fails.

i've been craving some arrested development like crazy....here's to hoping internet tv works this time.

oh you know

i love the feeling of freshly shaved legs in between bedsheets...they feel so cool (the temperature) my legs are so smooooth. shaving in the bathtub is so so much easy than in the shower

started hanging out with old high school friends katie and julie again...fun times have definitely been had

also, my cousin jessica's wedding was yesterday..pictures to come soon

every now and then i tell myself that one day i'm going to randomly tell p that i still love him or whatever it is i feel for him just to screw with his head, BUT then i realized it would most likely backfire in my face. womp womp. whatever.

a couple of days ago my dad and i went to the WW1 museum/memorial here in kc (which btw is one of only a few WW1 museums in the country!) it was sooo cool all the things the artifacts they had: uniforms, canons, guns, personal objects, posters, cars, all that stuff...FROM WW1!!! it amazed me how good condition everything was in. the museum was well layed out just enough textual information, but not too much to put me to sleep..just the way i like it. overall it was really good, and i had a fun time with my dad...i'm glad he's into history and stuff like i am.

this guy right here:

mr. theophilus london

he's a pretty awesome guy, i can't turn his mixtape off!! he's soo good! every song sounds different...literally. one song is straight hip hop, then he goes to funk to techno to punk rock. i love it.

check him out:

http://www.myspace.com/theophiluslondon

(pictures from myspace)

http://theophiluslondon.wordpress.com/

can't think of anything else to say...back to this awesome episode of poirot!

i don't give a flying fuck or a rat's ass

idk who this person is that i've become, but i'm really digging her.

as i've previously mentioned on numerous occasions for a very long period in my life i had the lowest of low self esteem. it was during this time that i would drive myself bonkers worrying about what other people thought about me. and i would dress, act, talk etc. accordingly. but the last year or two that has definitely been shed. at this current moment in time i could really give a fuck what people think of me. yes i'm going to be 22 years old living in the dorms my last semester. and? yes my mom's mini van might be my mode of transportation while i finish up at school. so? yes sometimes i dress myself as if i got dressed in the dark. i don't fucking care.

i'm happy with the person i am. for the first time in my life i don't think about changing myself to impress a guy. what you see is what you get. oh, you don't like whatever about me? cool there's the door. whatever.

idk if this has a point or not (i'm actually not sure where this rant came from in the first place) but long story short i don't care. i love me...is what i'm trying to say..long story short.

on another note, i would never admit this to my sister who is THE biggest Drake fan in the universe, but he could TOTALLY get it! it's weird, because i read magazine interviews with him before i actually listened to his music (other than the songs he had out on the radio) and that's what made me a fan. also his singing is more appealing to me than his rap persona.i told my sister he doesn't have that great of a singing voice, but it's like your bf singing to you when drake sings..idk...i'm weird like that.

working on getting a brown or black stud for my nose since the whole plastic stud thing didn't work out last weekend. we shall see.

geez i'm tired..time for bed i guess.