Thursday, December 31, 2009

"you're killing me smalls"

sometimes you have to keep reminding yourself
that everything is going to be matter
how shitty you feel.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

500 days of summer

i love this's really really good...definitely could've used it over a year ago when my last relationship was's a lot easier to have that "not everything is meant to be" mentality almost 2 years after the fact..but i digress..i love zooey deschenal (sp?) she can do no wrong in my eyes..except for her blonde hair in elf...i like her even more now that she's married to ben gibbard..i think they make an awesome couple. and i love her band she & him..i'll admit her singing voice is kind of weird, but i still like it. and love love joseph gordon-levitt..he was really good in it too..

anyways so i've been ok lately..had to snap myself back to reality a few times, but i'm good. now normally i'm not a super religious person but a friend of mine's caretaker was telling us about praying for the right man..not necessarily the one we WANT but the one we NEED ...don't pray for physical, but for emotional etc. so i prayed for someone who will treat me right. like the way i deserve to be treated..i have faith he's out there somewhere. ..can't give up on love...i guess lately this whole soulmate/fate business has really been on my mind, especially after my cousin's bridal shower earlier this week...all i know is that i want a cute "how we met and how we got engaged" story...i'm such a sap

well guess that's all...back to the movie

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

home sweet home

so i'm in my 5th day of my christmas break....i am in heaven! it's so nice not having any obligations, but doing the dishes and keeping the house straightened up. i slept in til 2 today and noon's so relaxing. been hanging out with the homie bree which has been a lot of fun. 5 days into a month long break and i have yet to want to kill my sister (that's doing pretty good considering past breaks). i love christmas time...especially being home in kc
well i guess that's all..just wanted to bask in the glow of break.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

procrastination at its finest

so it's almost 4am and the revised paper that's due tomorrow at 1pm is sitting here next to me...still waiting to be least it moved from my school bag (where it's been since last thursday). anyways i wanted to write about my heart condition...(mainly because a commercial for healthy living and exercise just came on). so this past june/july, i don't really remember when exactly, i was diagnosed with inappropriate sinus tachycardia which just means my heart randomly gets unusually rapid heartbeats. my doctor deducted (deduced) that they were being caused by emotional stress. and i definitely believe him, because i was going through some serious emotional shizz at the time..and the year before that when it started. it sucks, because when i say the rapid heartbeats are random i mean they are RANDOM! usually i get them after walking briskly, or up a lot of floors...instances like that. but sometimes i get them while sitting down. so my point is is that my doctor, who doesn't believe in prescribing medicine when it's not completely necessary, told me that excercising and weight lifting will help...mostly make my heart stronger. that was in the summer...i have yet to do either.

i know i know i need to do blah blah and treat my heart blah blah and blah. but how do you expect a non working out person to just switch things up?! i've never ever liked excercising! ever! in 2006 sports illustrated voted mizzou's $50 gazillion rec center #1 in the MF-ing country! using the aerobic and weightlifting machines is FREE for students and i've only worked out there maybe 7 times in the whole entire 4 years span of time i've been here...yea so excercising isn't happening anytime soon...i stopped complaining about my condition because 1. my grandmother has a heart attack everytime she hears my heart had one little flutter, i have my mom to thank for that and 2. if i'm not going to solve my problem i shouldn't complain..just like people who don't vote shouldn't complain. but now i'm thinking i may have to start doing something, because being bundled up for some reason makes it so everytime i walk somewhere on campus i feel like my heart is going to give out...not a good look.

how my heart looks right now..poor thing
kinda sorta stole this picture,
it;s from a cute blog:

sidenote: this has nothing to do with anything, but i've been watching a lot of roseanne lately and i must say i can't stand becky...she is so selfish and bratty..i know it's just a tv show, but she really bugs me.

ok time for a quick sleep then up to work on this idiotic paper

currently flipping my shizz

as you can see from the title i'm kinda sorta freaking out right now, because i think i finally found a picture of a woman with an afro whose hair resembles mine. i have been natural for about 2 years now, still figuring out how to properly take care of my hair which i think i just found out my curl type which may be a 3B or's hard to tell..i'm bi-racial which makes my hair kind of crazy..(it's curly/wavy but fine too) when it's long like it is now (about 4-41/2 inches i want to say) i have strands of hair that are S-curl type, wavy and even straight ones, which out of a bad habit i always end up pulling out (it's really bad i know) anyways i've been blog hopping like crazy on natural hair care/style/info blogs and i FINALLY found my least i think i did...via

argh! this woman is so pretty! and

her hair is so awesome...i'm hoping to get mine

that long...lord help me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"what has two thumbs, speaks limited french and hasn't cried once today? this moi!"

title brought to you by liz lemon via 30 of my favorite quotes from that show

so today is the only day i don't have any finals (besides friday) i have a paper revision due and a final to take tomorrow, so what did i do today? seriously laid in bed ALL mf-ing day...well at least until about 4. i got up to pee and eat, but that was about it. i did shower though! the only productive things i did today were pay my school bill and reserve my chuttle ride home for friday. oh and i did buy my new year's eve dress...i've been seraching high and low for a dress that was reasonbaly priced but also unique. bree and i are going to a huge party for new year's and i would really prefer it if i was the only one in attendence with my dress. i happened to be on forever 21's website just to browse through their dresses again even though the first time ended up being fruitless, but i guess they put up new dresses, because i found one!! it reminded me of when my mom and i went seraching for my senior prom dress. i looked through dresses that i thought were cute, but when i laid eyes on THE ONE i knew i had to have to have it. same thing earlier today. after i saw the dress, i didn't even bother looking at the other dresses...i had to have it. anyways, here it is: (it's a bit short for my taste, so i think i'm gonna wear leggings underneath it):

isn't it purdy?! because of my limited funds (limited= none) i had to sacrifice getting my eyebrows waxed in order to get the dress, but i'm happy with my decision...the girls are going to look great! lol. i am sooo excited for this's going to be packed with delicious fellas, a drink will be in my hand at all times, and i'm going with times are always had when i hang out with her.
i'm currently watching funniest commercials special on me not by choice...only because george lopez is having a cast renuinion of his sitcom on his show tonight and i know that if i change the channel i'll forget...sounds like a bit much, but it's happened before unfortunately.
well i guess that's all...don't really have anything profound to say..
..maybe i'll start on that paper...

an ugly duckling i am no longer

so you know how they (idk who "they" really is) say some people peak at a certain age? well i'm finally growing out of my 13 year ugly duckling phase..well at least i think i am...and i'm hoping praying and hoping that i don't peak at this age. that would suck some major whale balls..i mean i personally think i'm attractive...i know i'm no halle berry or kerry washington or zoe saldana or rosario dawson or alicia keys but i know i'm not a dog either.

anyways, some friends and i saw princess and the frog last was SOOO good. yes it contained stereotypes and blah blah (it's one should be surprised) it was just nice seeing so many brown faces..and apparently this is the first animated disney movie that was hand drawn in 7 years or something like that...overall it was really's definitely one of those movies where i cry at the end, because i'm so happy..which i did...ok maybe not cry cry but i definitely shed some tears.

the pretty tiana and naveen as a frog

different stills from the movie...ok don't judge
me, but the dad was pretty attractive for
a cartoon...i know that sounds super weird

prince naveen was pretty cute too...and i
was really glad he ended up darker in the movie
than he looked in the previews

had my first final was one of those incidents where you get the test and all you can do is laugh, because you know you're going to have pull some bull out the air to get through the teacher put the first comparison slide (it's an art history class) up on the screen and my friend and i looked at each other then busted out laughing...overall the test wasn't as bad as i expected...

saturday i got a finals care package my mom sent me...the 8 pack of mini butterfingers was gone in 2 days and the 5-pack of stick crackers with dip cheese was gone in one...i seriously have a eating's so bad that when i watch tv a lot of the time i start to crave whatever food is on the screen...and lately i've been eating or trying to get food in my's weird..but that is my life.

guess that's all for now..

Thursday, December 10, 2009

what a girl wants

so like every other college student across this vast, equality denying(like that?), country i have finals..however I am not freaking least not yet. tomorrow (today technically?) is stop day here at good 'ol mizzou which equals no classes. i should be excited, which i am i guess, but i have a paper due..ok just the revised edition, i should be working on it...but of course the usual weeknight roseanne marathon is much more appealing. i'm thinking about just doing it tomorrow after my 11am exam review. my teacher didn't give us a specific time soooo...yea. i also have volunteering...i really shouldn't complain i won't be back until mid jan. and for once i can spend my time not doing schoolwork. it's just SOOOO cold out!! but then again if i'm willing to walk in the cold for drinks then i can do it for volunteering...blah blah blah.
it is a really bad idea for me to blog while watching tv...i keep forgetting how easily distracted i can get...i know i had more to say, but i can't remember what...
one thing i've noticed about myself, is that when i'm single single (meaning there's NO ONE i'm seeing, "talking to" or sinning with) i always super evaluate the guy kind of guy i want to date...i found myself doing that tonight and in my head i was thinking *said in super perky, happy, soprano voice* "i know exactly what kind of guy i want. he's going to be this this and this. and we're going to do this this this"...yea it's sad. i'm so weird. i'm unfortunately turning into the crazy, single lady....hopefully it's just phase...maybe it'll help if i get out of my head so much.
anyways on a happier note, CORINNE BAILEY RAE IS BAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! can you see the excitement? yea i'm kinda excited..just a little. she has a short video on her website of her in the studio messing around and talking about her new album...she's so adorable!! and i love her hair even more now her hair is soo long! i can't wait to hear her new music..i think her album comes out in jan?...feb? but yea excitement all around.
guess i'll end it there...probably should go to sleep since i'm not doing any revising at the moment.
(for some reason the video wasn't working right on her website)

Monday, December 7, 2009

hello? is it me you're looking for?

oh lionel (see title)

as usual i'm doing some major student failing at the moment..i have a paper due wednesday that i should've been spending the past 10 years of my life working on, but of course i didn't. instead i'm sitting in bed watching tv and hopping through blogs...there are so many good ones out there...wish i 1. had more to say then just meaningless rambles and complaints, 2. lived in a big city like chicago, or new york or dc or philadelphia (i have no idea how to spell that), houston or la ...i know i'm stuck here in columbia as a result of my circumstances, but still... 3. had more fashion sense..well i guess i like my style, i just don't have the means i.e money from a job...which i also don't's so bad, i've been surviving off my parents..ok not plural, because my dad only sent me $ ONCE in my 4 years of i'm not bitter at all...anyways...i work in the summers, just not during the school years. maybe it's out of laziness..idk really.
i guess what i'm really saying is that i can't wait live on my own...i know i'll probably regret saying "i can't wait" a few years from now when i'm paying for everything myself, but i am..i think it's from me being in school..i'm sooo done. my brain hurts oh so much.


so here's my plan for the next year:
summer 2010- museum internship (fingers crossed) maybe take german..i really don't want to but i know if i want to get into grad school it'll help ..whatever
fall semester 2010- start italian ( i know i know i'm super late, but whatevs), graduate
spring semester 2011- start my break from school, continue to take italian, find job or paid internship
then grad school ..idk..i feel less like a crazy, unorganized lady if i write it out

I really really REALLY can't stand holdiay jewelry commercials...they're so unbelievably cheesy and annoying..they make me cringe..and a lot of it is really really future significant other in for a interesting ride with me..

so i've noticed (at least when it comes to my life) when things come to an end other things end too. for instance when another person and i end all things romantic..and right now communication as it were (i know that phrase doesn't belong there i just wanted to use it) other things in as plans for the future. i had planned on going to new york for spring break...well thanks to the events that happened over the past few weeks i kinda threw those plans now it looks as if i'll be spending my senior year spring break at home..for the second year in a least last year angelica was staying with us..i guess i could go stay with my grandparents in arizona again...key words "i guess" idk. it's whatever i guess. also i have an artpiece i've been hiding under my bed so no one will know it exists, mainly because i'm embarrassed this whole situation thing even happened. anyways so the artwork is there..taking up space. do i keep it? i really don't want to...i'd prefer not to have it mock me. or do i send it to the person it was made for? i'd prefer not to do that either, because then i'd have to ask the person for their address..not really wanting to do that either. *sigh* idk..i guess i have a whole semester to think about it, seeing as how i don't move out until may.
plans and artwork

last no way do i want kids. people tell me "oh you'll change your mind when you get older and blah blah blah" i won't. when i say i don't want kids..ever...i mean it. i can't stand being in clothing stores having to manuever past strollers, i can't stand when parents can't get their babies to stop crying. small children annoy me. i hate pretending people's babies are cute...all babies look like nasty wrinkly raisins until about 6months...yea i said it..etc etc. i can't stand the monthly beating my lady parts recieve and people expect me to go through labor?! don't think so.

i guess that's all...i was going to talk about my on and off love/hate relationship i have with my hair, but seeing as how it took me over an hour to write this post thanks to my horrible attention span...and having the tv on i guess i'll end it. time to get food anyways.

no subject


that's me sighing very loudly. in a "eh" mood. i should be asleep. i keep going back and forth about being ok with being single and accepting my singleness and being mopey about wanting a relationship...guess i'm feeling that way now.

sidenote. i can always tell when i need to wear my retainer (besides having to wear it everyday which i don't) once my teeth start to hurt i know it's time..kind of like contractions

watching criminal minds...goddamn shemar moore is fine. whew lordy.

anyways i started this post with a point...guess i'll go to sleep now or whatever

Sunday, December 6, 2009

back from the dead

i think the title fits pretty blog terms since it's been almost a month since my last post...let's just say i was going through some thangs ...ok just one thing really. it was really hard but i'm good now. for real good not "oh yea i'm happy but i'm really covering up my sad" but i can honestly say i'm genuinely happy and i haven't felt this way in awhile. even though i'm stressed with school/finals/plans for the future, and i'm as single as a girl can get i'm still pretty happy. which is a good sign. anyways, so i'm in a slight delimma...i'm really into this guy i met, but he has a girlfriend...sidenote: i developed feelings for him before i found out he had a gf. so lately i've been keeping a least trying to, because i don't want to overstep any boundaries. i refuse to be "that girl"..i've been cheated on and it is THE worst feeling in the unfair as it is, because he's a great guy and she's in texas while he's in kansas...ugh. whatever. gotta keep in mind my morals.

this semester went by soo hard and crazy it so excited to go home for break..granted my siblings and i will probably kill each other i'm still looking forward to it.

here's some pictures from my haitus:

our family christmas tree, we've had
the same fake tree for about 15 years

the plaza lights

more lights

a cinderalla carriage

my peach cobbler...made it all
by myself! turned out really
good too

on my way out

the best puppydog ever

dan and i

waiting in line to see
regina spektor

regina spektor

the were soo serious about
no cameras, so i only
got these two. but the concert
was still AMAZING!!

Friday, November 20, 2009

all that glitters is not gold

lesson of the week: be prepared things change....people throw you for loops....your feelings get hurt...
..then you cry, bitch & moan to your friends...then you pick yourself up by your bootstraps (even though my physics teacher senior year of high school taught us that it's physically impossible, because of gravity and blah blah blah) you tell yourself things are going to be ok..because they are. life is hard sometimes, people can let you down, but it's not the end of the world. moping around with a rain cloud hovering over your head doesn't change things, you have to change them for yourself. sure it's ok to be sad and hurt, but you can't stay in that state of mind especially if the other person is going about their business.

i had to do all of these things the past few's been hard, but i have great friends and surprise phone calls from the best mommy in the world

i'm glad turkey day break starts tomorrow...a whole week at home has been much needed.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

lists lists and more lists

things to do to get back on the good side of the universe..list
1. stop cursing so much...not cute
2. stop sleeping in my clothes so often
3. stop skipping class
4. stop procrastinating so much
5. stop envying others
6. take better care of my hair
7. stop saying mean things to people (whether it be out loud or in my head)
8. be more grateful for my family, especially my marmar
9. stop the "what-if questions"
10. stop staying up til all hours of the night
11. read more
12. clean my room more often
13. stop selling myself short
14. just say "no" to people instead of lying when I don't want to hang out with them
15. stop freaking out about the future
whew lordy that's a long list...i'm sure there's more, but that's all i can think of for now
hopefully this list will help my current situation

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

sealion woman

i lead such sad life...last night at 2 something in the morning instead of sleeping i was googling "design your own wedding dress"...and going to different websites designing wedding dresses...and here i am super tired as a result. which leads me to the 2nd reason my life is sad, i woke up 45 mins before my alram went off, couldn't go back to bed so i spent the whole time laying in bed making up interviews between myself and the different talk if i was on a press/media tour or whatever after becoming famous. no lie. i was on ellen, good morning america, oprah, conan o'brian, all those shows...being interviewed. for 45 mins...ok i may have spent part of that time trying to go back to sleep, but most of it was interview time. then i had to make the choice between showering and eating breakfast, because i don't have time to do both. ..i guess i do, but there's a high chance i'd be late to class. and i went to sleep hungry which i hate. and i guess if i had eaten when i woke up i wouldn't be in this delimma, but i figure i shower everyday my body can't be that bad....and i only have 2 classes today. it's not like i'm going to meet the president or anything. so as a result here i am in bed eating a bagel with cream cheese, blogging with my new homie feist playing. i loooove her music, it always puts me in a good mood.

i really need to get the 3rd season of 30 rock..and fast.

so excited for turkey day break, can't wait to hang out with bree again, i miss her so much!!

well i guess i should get ready for class..

on second thought i might have time for a quick shower...

Monday, November 9, 2009

good grief

why am i even in school? i am doing some major student failing at the current moment...not failing my grades are actually pretty good, it's just the whole going to class thing that i'm failing at. i guess i should get it all out of my system now before next semester rolls around and i won't be able to miss any class.

my chest hurts so bad...damn pms. how is it guys go through nothing! ..ok some things happen to them, but the bulk of it gets dumped on us women...this shit hurts! jeez!

maybe that was too much info..

anyways..i need to read a book. for fun. it's so hard to do while school is in session. i've been reading hill harper's book "letters to a young sister" since this past march...still not done. so sad. maybe over turkey day break i'll get some reading done...hmm


oh me oh my....these past few days..week or two..or more have been kinda sorta rough dealing with my feelins about some people..i'm scared he's going to find someone better, prettier, smarter, richer than me before we get another chance...or at least see each other again and that scares me to death.

i want to tell him how i feel, but i'm scared he's going to either think i'm silly or get upset that i think his feelings for me aren't as strong as they really are...for instance tonight he got a little hurt, because i asked him if i could still see him over spring break even though we agreed to these plans weeks ago...i was just asking to make sure he didn't forget since we usually talk about winter break..i guess he did remember, which made me happy, but i felt bad that he was sad. but then i made him laugh so it was ok.

he still means so much to me...

jeez louise i can't go one post without spilling my guts ... those 3 words can be FATAL...but they are nice to hear.

good grief i love this song
the chorus sums up how i feel perfectly

Saturday, November 7, 2009

when life gives you lemons... lay in bed making red 3D paper hearts pretending to not wait for someone to call you back even though you're really really hoping they do.

sometimes life can be unfair and the universe can be's during these times you have to keep on truckin and don't give up can be really hard at times, but when you get those surprise messages, calls and realize it's totally worth it..

now it's time to just deal.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

i was just thinking about you

i hope ex lovah and i get a second chance...he still makes me happy...

it's our anniversary

(did i spell that right?)
anyways, today marks the one year anniversary of the election of the first black us president barack this day i am still amazed he is our president (in a good way) normally this happens when i see him on tv or pictures of the him and his family together. it really warms my heart to know that my first time voting was voting for the first black president. my mom used to always tell me that you never forget voting in your first presidential election (hers was jimmy carter) now i really won't'll be a story to tell my grand-nephews/nieces (see what i did there, didn't say grandkids b.c i'm not having kids! lol. sorry thought that was really clever of me)

i'm currently laying in's alomst 2 in the afternoon. couldn't get to sleep last night was up until at least 3:30am. woke up before my alarm went off this morning and could not bring myself to get out of bed..i've been telling people i overslept. after i decided not to go to my first class i went back to sleep ignoring the fact that i had a 2nd class. i'm such a bad student...but at the moment i don't care. i had a rough night emotionally...cried about ex-lovah even though i kept trying to distract myself so i wouldn't think about bad things. didn't really help. as a result i don't feel like doing anything for the time being....had my breakfast/lunch which consisted of me eating my brownie mound with a fork in bed...i still need to shower and brush my teeth and all that jazz. don't really want to. most likely i'll end up staying in bed reading my favorite blog this is probably going to sound weird but *sidenote time: anytime someone starts a sentence with a phrase like that, or "i'm not racist, but" or "i'm not trying to sound mean, but" 100 times out of 100 they are going to say something along the lines of whatever the sentence started with...that being said my upcoming statement will most likely sound weird* when i'm feeling down and out and super sad i always read the aforementioned blog...i start from the very beginning. idk what it is, but it makes me feel so much better about finding love. the last time i read it all the way through i favorited my favorite posts (super weird i know) here they are:

ok i may have lied, i forgot to favorite the posts until i was almost at the end, nevertheless these 2 are really good. i think this blog is good for anyone questioning love...i know i definitely helps me to realize i can't give up on my search and keep hope alive

that's all i guess....

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Monday, October 26, 2009

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to

i hate school

i want to be in new york with him

school is dumb

pretty sure i have light insomnia (if that's even a thing...not full insomnia, but i'm getting there)

my face looks like a connect the dots activity page, because of my zits, which i think are probably payback for the countless times i thanked god that i never got acne...this sucks

even though i gave in and got my eyebrows waxed for homecoming, i feel like it hasn't made a difference

even though bree and i had a really fun homecoming weekend, i wish she went to mizzou so we could hang out more...thank goodness we'll both be home next summer

for some reason my mom thinks i'm too serious

im sick and tired and sick and tired of hearing about and seeing relationships. everyone is in a relationship but me...and the one person i want to be with is a gazillion miles away...i need a relationship buffer zone...or brick wall or something

i miss him gobs..and it's not fair.

ok i guess im done bitching...for now

Thursday, October 22, 2009

"reverend blue jeans"

i'm really only posting a second time today, because i have volunteering at 2:30 and if i lay down i'm not going to get back up sooo here we go!

today in my African American Women in History class began a documentary on Ida B. Wells...i knew she was a revolutionary and a radical, but she was a badass!! She walked into President McKinley's office and straight up told him that he was not being radical enough in pushing anti-lynching legislation!!! ANNND she protested the 1892 Columbian Exhibition in Chicago, because blacks weren't represented...she's amazing!! whew!

pretty proud of myself, because somehow i managed to eat 2 tacos and a thing of nachos without spilling ANYTHING on me!! that's pretty rare for me.

kind of felt bad because i had a cigarette before noon on my way to class...but at the same time it made me feel good...and it kept me from being bitchy to everyone wins!

it's raining kittens and puppies outside (not quite cats and dogs, but it's getting there)

view from outside my dorm window....
i love this campus during fall

i love my boots!
on a campus of 20,000+ students i have yet to see someone
with the same boots, even after a year!

i haven't had candy in i think over a week.....i'm going crazy!! i have cravings out of this world! probably for the best i guess because of the whole cavity thing. whatevs.

if it's still raining after i'm done volunteering i have a feeling i'm going to be in the bed with away we go on...i wonder how many times i can watch that movie before i get tired of it...

"i had it allllllll"

this post is being written instead of writing a revised paper..that is due at 11am...that currently only has 3 paragraphs...and needs to be at least 2 pages...oh well

anyways so alicia keys has a new song out and of course it's AMAZING! and sadromantic (yea that's a word!) the only problem is the fact that she is supposedly dating music producer swizz beatz...who is currently in the middle of a divorce...but not completely divorced...and they've been dating a for months...yea sadness. why alicia why?! i thought we were homies! how can you be the almost practically other woman?! not cool....buuuut your song is still good..soooo yea. here it is: (for some reason i can't embed videos anymore....stupid computer...but i guess i should be grateful..blah blah blah)

so random thought: rainn wilson is awesome!! not only does he do an amazing job as dwight on the office, but his tweets on twitter (is that redundant?) are always so insightful, hilarious and just plain cool AND his new nba commercials are pretty funny as well....i guess it's not that random of a thought since i just saw one of the commercials...

i have officially learned my lesson about falling asleep with the tv on the nickalodeon channel, because i woke to dora the explorer after having THE weirdest dream about her and Prop Hat8 bill in was off the wall.

sooo excited for homecoming this weekend, bree and i are going to have sooo much fun!! "all the single ladies, all the single ladies"! lol ...speaking of which why am i just now watching those videos of the babies dancing to that song?! ...ok maybe just one's soo cute and really funny!

well i guess i should get back to this paper....ugghhh i hate school!! (at least right now)

...and all that jazz

so things have been going pretty well lately...well except for the whole school thing...monday and wednesday i took off from class..well classes..plural classes..i literally stayed in bed all day...ALL DAY...well ok maybe until 2 on monday, but on wednesday i didn't get up til lie! well i did get up to go to the bathroom....i know i know i'm such a bad student..but i was really tired!

so for some reason the "awaken" song by arcade fire makes me want to cry...i thought it was the combination of the song with the where the wild things are movie preview, because i definitely teared up when i watched the preview in the movie theater, and i want to cry whenever it comes on tv, but when i listened to the song on youtube i wanted to cry i'm guessing it's the song..idk.

i must say i am really loving my friends lately....espeically my two best friends angelica and brianna. i love that i can always count on them to be there for me when i need them...gotta say i'm one lucky gal.



since i'm back on my weird staying until 2-3am sleep schedule i've started watching "roseanne" again...i love the banter between roseanne and dan it's so endearing and sweet in their own way. it's great to watch..and makes me all warm and lovey on the inside...

tuesday was "love your body day" (i know i know we should love our bodies everyday..which i do...85% of the time) it's a day set aside to publicly promote positive body image(ry ?) in BOTH men and women. this year's theme here at mizzou was "tweeting positive body image"..or something like that some pictures:

a screen printed poster, i was supposed to write something
under "because" but i liked the poster as is

my t-shirt, the personal statement is supposed
to be like a twitter response to negativity

"i love all of my curves" i know not much of a
"take that negativity" statement, but i wanted
to say it anyways

the back of the shirt

so i sent this song to ex almost made me cry...

Monday, October 19, 2009

tired happiness

i'm super tired right now, but really happy....i must say skype is the best invention ever. ever. ok mb not ever but it's definitely on my list along with tupperware, easymac, cranberry sierra mist, those tuna kit meal things, wireless computer mice, (i swear my original list is better and longer ...almost inserted that's what she said, but it seemed like a stretch) anyways yes i love skype because i get to see people.

that's all.

now i'm going back to sleep after writing once again another crappy paper...feels good to be taking a day off from school on a monday..i know i shouldn't but i've already made up my mind..i'll just pay for it later.

here's a special poem (i love it):

Her Lips Are Copper Wire

whisper of yellow globes
gleaming on lamp-posts that sway
like bootleg licker drinkers in the fog

and let your breath be moist against me
like bright beads on yellow globes

telephone the power-house
that the main wires are insulate

(her words play softly up and down
dewy corridors of billboards)

then with your tongue remove the tape
and press your lips to mine
till they are incandescent

Written by Jean Toomer (1894-1967)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

oh me oh my

i must say one thing i love about relationships are the inside glad i remember them too....i'm also glad other people remember them as well.

(in case you haven't noticed these are pictures representing

inside jokes between me and ex lovah.....)

currently watching eternal sunshine....another great movie i could watch on loop.


i guess all i can say is that i can't wait until march...i'm going to try and keep it a secret until all my plans are'll be hard, but i know i can do it. (excitement!!)

away we go

geez louise i love this movie
i swear i could watch it 20 times in a row
and not get tired of's soo good!!

best movie poster ever

favorite line from the movie: "Yea my tilted uterus is a fucking secret!!"

john krasinski does THE BEST casey casum (sp?) impression

(i can't wait to watch it with ex lovah)

smooches la rue

soo today was a purrdy good day. skipped my first class to write a shitty paper..thank the lordy for teachers who don't give credit for first drafts!

chatted with ex-lovah today...we had a good conversation lol. i have a bad habit of reverting back to my old relationship behavior when it comes to talking to him by wanting to talk all the time everyday and getting sad when he has to go. but lately i've been getting better....sort of...i know he's really busy being a grad student and all that..i just get used to talking to him that i want to talk to him on a regular basis. but i know that won't happen...i've accepted that. which is why i just take advantage of any conversation he can squeeze in. it makes me feel better knowing that he still wants to makes me smile because he'll apologize for not being able to chat long or taking a long time to respond to my messages or not being able to talk at all. i always tell him it's ok and no big, because it's really not. just the fact that he responds means a lot to me. we're supposed to skype this weekend (his suggestion we skype since now he has a new computer and this weekend since he's free)....this is going to sound weird, but i'm kind of nervous, because it's been over a year since we've seen each other...i know skype isn't a physical face to face meeting, but still....after more than a year of emails, texts, phone calls, fb messages/chats, skype is the closest thing we have. i can't wait..thinking seeing him reminds me of his first visit after we started dating...we both were so nervous. i remember i was outside in front of my dorm and he was walking thru the parking lot across the street, we were on the phone talking to each other and i was looking for him but i couldn't see him even though he could see me...then he crossed the was like a scene from a movie (as cheesy as it sounds) butterflies and all...

well i guess that's it...i can't remember my main reason for this post so i'll end here...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

can i haz?

i want this ring!!! (more than the other one i posted) ok i actually want this to be my wedding/engagement ring. i'm kind of an unconventional girl when it comes to some things...this is it. this ring is absolutely gorgeous!

weddings in general have been on my mind lately...probably because some friends and i got into a somewhat heated debate about the institution of marriage last night. then i watched the wedding episode of the office...definitely shed some tears during the was suuuuch a good episode.

guess that's all...

Monday, October 12, 2009


got another amazing message tonight...i almost posted it, but i decided not to..idk keeping important things to myself helps keep those thoughts and words pure...if that makes sense. it makes them extra special b.c only i know about them *sigh* i love these messages...they leave me speechless....i'm so so glad i never gave up...that being said here's a song that sums up my feelings...i love it....and the video fits so well...

Sunday, October 4, 2009

missed things

soooo at approximately 12:57am yesterday morning i recieved the best message i could ever recieve...ok maybe one of the best. it really made me happy

that's all...

finally posting this picture...been wanting to do this it is.

one of my favorite pictures....

things n more things

a list to remember for future reference...b.c lord knows i'll forget:

boston university
american university
georgetown university
university of maryland
george mason university
ohio state university
university of virgina

....list of possible grad schools....although i decided to take time off before attending, i decded to make a list because i seriously have no idea where i want to go..i've narrowed it down to the region that i want to go to ...northeast..with a few midwest stragglers. i would love love LOVE! to study in d.c. idk...we shall see...

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

she dead! she real dead!

so of course i'm supposed to be typing a paper right not so much. how can i when "smokin' aces" is on?! this is a damn good movie. everyone did SUCH a good job, especially ryan renolds and jeremy piven. not a fan of jeremy piven, but his acting is pretty good in this movie. big fan of ryan. and of course i have to give props to alicia keys and common. loves them! i will admit that the only thing i don't like about the movie is andy garcia's "southern" accent. it kinda sorta hurts my ears. my favorite part of the movie is the end when it all comes together and ryan shows off his badassness...i wont give it away, but it is fa sho a must see. i remember the first time i watched it was with ex lovah. oh memories.

got me some peach rangs (rings) today..whoo whoo!! however definitely not as good as i thought they were going to be..
i can't believe how fast my hair grows..if it keeps the round shape it has now, i might keep growing it out...we shall see.
I must say i hate phonetag!! it's so mean! ex-lovah and i have been playing phonetag like it's nobody's business..breaks my heart. but the good thing (i guess you can call it a good thing) is that exlovah is playing too, it's not just me trying to get a hold of him, he's calling and messaging me too. and it turns out he doesn't like playing either. hopefully it doesn't last long. i'm glad he still misses me...means i haven't been replaced yet. good to know.

ugh this f-ing paper. it only has to be 3 pages double spaced, not that hard..just don't feel like doing it. school is dumb.

ok not really.

oh hell. real chance of love 2 just came i'm really not going to be able to get anything sad. i really shouldn't watch this show...i mostly watch it because of chance and real..they need a show of just them. they're crazy.

i think something is wrong is with my temporary tooth has been killing me...which in turn has been f-ing up my sinuses. unfortunately my dental insurance has run out for this year and i don't even have enough to get my teeth sad. now ppl can't tell me we need healthcare reform. i guess i should be lucky i even have insurance...but what's the point of having it if i can't even take advantage of it? whatever i guess.

OMG ONE OF THESE CHICKS ON THIS SHOW IS 21 F-ING YRS OLD!!! I couldn't IMAGINE myself being on this show...or any show like this for that matter! I still feel young!!! and this is the same chick that said (and i quote) "I'm a pretty girl, i have big boobs...i have a lot to offer" yea ok sweetie. but yea 21 yrs old? no siree bob. pass!

i want to be in love again!! (that's not weird is it?)

ok there's a commercial on tv talking to parents about their kids's asthma but the commercial has a fish flopping around gulping for air while a little girl talks in the background....everytime i watch it all i think is "poor fishy!!" i always feel so bad for it!

ok, i'm forreal about to start this paper....not really, just thought if i said that i'd do it.


ok now!


ok i'm going to say im really really going to start my paper, when in reality i just don't have anyting else to say.


Saturday, September 19, 2009

from the mindgrapes of sydney

so far this weekend has been going pretty well..went out thurs night with the waaaay too drunk...still piecing the night together..sort of..i really need to pace myself when i drink..definitely called ex-lovah and may or may not have professed my love for him...then sent him a text talking about fate not liking us or we'd be together...yea..simply pathetic. the good thing is that idk he noticed, b.c he wrote me on fb today (about the ben folds song "the luckiest"....again!!!! made me so happy!) and when i texted him he didn't mention it. also if i know him as well as i do he probably still doesn't check his voicemail. so hopefully he'll never hear it.

so as a result of thursday's debachury, i kept thinking friday was saturday...even tweeted about..didn't notice until someone said something lol. pretty funny. also hung out with my new favorite friend. i looove talking to him, he cracks me up and he's so honest about everything. and he always compliments me, but not in a sleezy coming on to me way. he's good company. i like having a guy friend to hang out with with no expectations. just friends. so he put in a good mood friday after having a good conversation.

today was pretty laid back...just watched tv for the most part....except for the footlong pizza sub

i ate today. i was trying to figure out if i should get a 6 in sub with peach rings or a footlong by itself. it was a hard decision b.c it would've been about the same price either way. so i ended up getting the footlong thinking i could eat 1/2 tonight and the other 1/2 tomorrow...def ate the whole thing...then felt sick lol. but totally worth it.

below is my favorite thing in the world (ok one of many). it's a gold heart & key necklace that used to belong to my mumsie, she gave it to me about a year 1/2 ago. over the summer the original chain broke and i had to stop wearing it, because gold is suuuuper expensive!! damn! but then my birthday came and jackpot! new chain! so happy (when i made one of my fb statuses say that i was happy to be wearing it again, ex-lovah "liked" it...unfortunately i didn't see it until about a week later, but it still made me happy) i decided that when i find the person i want to spend the rest of my life with, i'll give him the key....super cheesy i know..but the necklace means a lot to me and my heart is not something to be played with...

this ring is from tiffanys and i want it soooo bad!!! it's soo pretty

Luscious colors, designed to be stacked or worn alone. Ring with a blue chalcedony in 18k gold. Size small. Original designs copyrighted by Paloma Picasso.Carat total weight 1.70. $1,100

anyways, so i mentioned in an earlier post that a friend of mine was starting a zine and i was thinking about submitting poem/venting exercise type thing...well i did...i also sent it to ex-lovah then took it back...but he had already read it and he replied with this (exact words btw) "i love it! it's actually pretty good."...i was sooo excited to read that! i never ever ever send him ANYTHING about how i feel about him/us/our relationship. well i did when we were together, but i'm always scared of getting my feelings hurt so i keep my mouth shut. but this is more of a reflection on our relationship with a little bit of how i presently feel sprinkled in..that being said, i decided to post it here since my toughest critic liked here it is:


When a girl loves a boy she’ll eat cantaloupe and melon for the first time in her life, because he bought some for her

When a girl loves a boy she stays up with him while he pulls an all nighter to finish a paper

When a girl loves a boy she plays video games with him even though she’s bad at them and doesn’t want to, because he likes playing with her

When a girl loves a boy she lets him cry on her shoulder when he’s upset

When a girl loves a boy she lets him tickle her even though he tickles with claws

When a girl loves a boy she can still feel him wrapped around her while she sleeps

When a girl loves a boy she still occasionally listens to the songs he wrote her

When a girl loves a boy she lets him use her computer to play computer games even though she wants to cuddle

When a girl loves a boy she watches news shows and boxing matches just to spend time with him

When a girl loves a boy she can never forget how his kisses used to make her knees buckle

When a girl loves a boy she will talk to him on the phone until the wee hours of the morning even though she has an early morning class

When a girl loves a boy she listens to “their song” even though they’re not together anymore

When a girl loves a boy she thinks about him more often than she should

When a girl loves a boy she can’t tell her heart no...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

la la la

so right now I'm supposed to be writing a 4-5 page paper for one of my history classes that's due tomorrow....clearly i'm not. I got distracted by watching this week's episode of Greek..then the internet decided to fight my computer so I couldn't finish it..then I got the best message ever: "I just heard ben folds five song "the luckiest" and thought of you. Miss you sp..." I know it's a sad message, but it made me smile so hard, because he and I haven't really been able to communicate on a regular basis these past few weeks, and it was totally unexpected...and i like that he misses me...mainly because I miss him too...i'm sure that sounds pretty twisted, but it's nice to know someone is thinking of you and tell you especially when you think of them all the time. so yea that really made me happy. then i had to go listen to that song of course...then i had to listen to our song "chasing cars" by snow patrol...i really love that song...

one of my friends is starting a zine and i wrote a poem about us..i'm considering submitting it, but at the same time it started out as a venting/get my feelings out kind of thing...i'm always scared to share my feelings with others, especially when it comes to him. I've started so many blog posts talking about him then either deleting them or never posting them...i'm debating whether to even post this one...idk..i'm just very fragile when it comes to my feelings..especially feelings of the heart...when i think of my heart i picture it as anatomically correct made out of glass..


good grief this f-ing paper....ugh. i've been here for 2 hours and what have i accomplished?? yea nothing. i guess i should start now...

Monday, September 7, 2009

tv and microwave programming

post number deux...only b.c i'm bored and have no intention of studying even though i should be. a friend of mine is the queen of survey/questionnaires on fb so i decided to post one...enjoy

1.Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
-save him!

2.Your best friend tells you she's pregnant. What is your reaction?
-well...seeing as how i've already been in that situation with a friend of mine, i'll just say i'll be shocked

3.When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face?
-mmm..everytime i'm walking to class behind someone taking their afternoon sunday stroll

4. Congratulations! You just had a son. What's his name?

5. Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What's her name?

6.What are you craving right now?
-those gummi peach ring things

7.What was the last thing you cried about?
-ex lovah...surprise surprise..

8.When you buy something and your change is a penny, do you keep it?
-hell yes!! there's a recession going on!

9. What color is your tissue box?
-at the moment i don't have a tissue box

10.Do you have a ceiling fan in your room, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
-at home i do...and yes that thing is always covered dust

11.What was the last voice mail you received about?
-an office calling for someone else

12 Scariest thing you've experienced in the last year?
-well seeing as how i have the memory of an elephant, it would have to be a tie between when i found out about my heart condition thingy and when i thought i lost my dog

13.Have you ever had a garage sale?
-my familia has

14.What is the last beverage you had?
-pepsi cola

15.Are you happy right now?
-sure..definitely not unhappy

17.Do you drink energy drinks?
-when i do i drink Tab

18.Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
-nope, i'm the oldest

19.Dark or light jeans?
-dark fa sho

20.What was the last movie you watched at home?
-the latest harry potter movie

21.What is in your pocket?

22.Who introduced you to your boyfriend/girlfriend?
-well im single right now so...

23.Where do you hurt?
-my teeth..need to put in my retainer

24.What is your favorite aisle at Wal-Mart?

25.When is your birthday?
-august 1 (i share it with ashley parker angel from the infamous boy band otown)

26.What are you going to do after this?
-continue watching 30 rock

27.Who was the last person you went shopping with?
-miss angelica poo

28.What about your favorite dessert?
-cake, brownie, cinnamon roll, peach cobbler

29.Do you have the same name as one of your relatives?

30.Do you like pickles?

31.Is someone in love with you?
-if they are i'm completely unaware

32.What color is your couch?
-the couch at home is blue

33.Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member?
-my parents get my sister and i mixed up sometimes

34.Does someone like you right now?
-i hope so...and if they do they should tell me!

35.Do you know anyone in jail/prison?

36. Who was the last person to send you a text message?
-miss angelica poo...again lol

37. How many hours did you sleep for last night?
-idk...i don't really keep track on the weekends/holidays

38. Do you swear at your parents?
-no!! i value my life

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? is a romantic thought though

40. What is the last thing you spent money on?
-beef n broccoli w/white rice...yummers

41. Name one thing no one can ever take away from you?
-my ability to love...(too cheesy?)

42. What is the last thing you ate that had onions in it?
-i think the beef n broccoli had some..idk..

43.Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?
-both...but i prefer puffy

44.Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook before?
-yes!! ignorant people out there

45.Do you wear a name tag at work?
-when i worked at hobby lobby i did

46.What color is your iPod?
-black, but currently it has a monet "garden" cover on it...until i get bored and need change

47.What is your favorite key chain on your keys??
-my leather name meaning piece

48.Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?
-fail...thank goodness!!!

49.What were you doing at midnight last night?
-watching law & order svu and eating oreos....oh the good ol' days..

color coding is so much fun. had swirled wheat rueben bread for the first time today...yea kinda gross. but the sandwich was ham n cheese (cheddar!!!) so it wasn't too bad. talked to my parents today....they really need their own reality show..just have cameras follow them around and record their banter. "the adventures of shelley and mitch". they crack me up. well i guess that's all...againl.

ps I NEVER want to get married except for when I come across these things/thoughts/people:

1. my parents. their marriage isn't picture perfect like the cleavers, but it's clear they truly love one another and that's what i want

2. this photographer: not only is she a really good photographer, but she somehow captures the perfect moments between the brides and grooms as well as others...i love it.

3 this blog: they are such a cute young, married couple and their blog is really fun to read.

4. president barack and first lady michelle obama. not only are they the best image of black love, they are history makers! and i know this sounds superficial, but throughout the whole election/ingaugration (no idea how to spell that word) i didn't cry until their first dance....yea pathetic i know.

mmm ok i'll admit when i came up with the idea for this list i had more ideas. but you get what i meant