Thursday, October 21, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Je ne pourrai pas recontrer avec vous aujourd’hui. J’oublie´ J’ai rendez-vous avec ma conseilere. Au revoir!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
wow last night was bad for my emotions...thanks non existent alcohol limit. on the outside i was totally fine, but the animated in my head lizzie mcguire me was tipping over filing cabinets and kicking over office coolers hulk style..(yes the inside of my mind is an office setting...not sure why) thank goodness twitter got the majority of my drunken rage.(not counting the previous post which was drunkenly typed)...it was baaaad. BUT! only shed a few tears..go me!!! it could've been worse, i could've been spilling my guts to my friends while out at some club all sloppy drunk like...at least last night i was in the comfort of my own home with my computer...which thinking about about it the latter is probably worse, but whatever. i still have a lot of pent up emotion since i never express how i truly feel...guess i'm saving it all up for when i can actually afford to go to a therapist.
In other news, decided that I’m going to buy myself a macbook for graduation this December. I’ve wanted one for the longest time (years) and I was considering pooling together whatever xmas and graduation $$ I get, but I really want this and it would mean a lot more to me if I bought it on my own. SO between paying off these school bills and saving for new laptop things are going to be pretty tight..i need a job sooo bad. Fingers crossed I get one.
Excited to go back…mostly because I need to get out of this house..fast. I’m also excited because it’s my last semester! Then time to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t wait.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
i've been seriously putting off this post for the longest time...laziness i guess.
anyways, where do i start? i guess chicago is a good place
last week my sister and i joined my mumsie in the windy city for about 5 days. it was sooo nice! granted my sister and i got on each other nerves, but i loved loved LOVED the city! it was a real city..i loved crossing the street against traffic, i loved all the people everywhere, i loved the constant honking. the thought of living in a big city (chicago may not seem big, but i've lived in kansas city all my life) used to always scare me...actually going to one made me so excited to move. unfortunately the connection i thought i was going to feel at the grad school at SAIC never happened. idk if it was because the tour was 16 hours long or because my sister was annoying me, but i just did not feel it. which i guess could be a good thing so i don't have to waste $ applying there. chicago pictures coming soon...probably...hopefully
so after chicago came my birthday (sunday august 1st) . i was pretty lowkey about it, 22 isn't that big of deal to me. yes i should be thankful i lived another year..i am..buut i still wasn't that excited..idk. ended up spending about 9 hours of it on a train back home..which wasn't bad. so glad i brought the harry potter book to read again and spent a week downloading movies. i surprisingly got some good sleep too. had good conversations with p while in chicago and on the train...he's still special to me even if we are just friends.
so back in kansas city...unfortunately. i'm so sick of volunteering...all i do is sit at the visiter's desk, try not to fall asleep and tell grown ass people who don't know how to read signs that food and liquid is not allowed in the museum. *sigh* i have to keep talking myself down from the ledge when i freak out about not doing an internship and how even though the experience would've been nice, it's not going to ruin my life. i definitely had a nervous breakdown about grad school last and almost cried until p calmed me down. it's just that i'm so worried that i don't have enough experience to put on my cv and i won't get into grad school. but then i made the executive decision that if i don't get into grad school i'm still going to move away. i'm keeping the destination a secret unti the time comes to make that decision. but i'm definitely definitely moving away next august...or possibly next may/june...we'll see.
what else is new?
bought new sperry's while in chi city. purple plaid..so cute.. and so me. still working on getting a pair of toms..even though they're about $30 more than i'd like to pay for them and they look goofy on my feet..but details details.
so ready for school to start...can't believe it's my last semester..kind of freaky.
guess that's all for now...
Saturday, July 24, 2010
anyways, i must say that being a woman is hard! what i thought was my usual random bout of depression was just pms. (thank gooseness!!) it was really bad there for a few days. i also must say i'm thankful for cramps. and there's only one reason an active girl prays for cramps, but i won't get into that lol.
so super excited for chicago!!! i have a big feeling i'm going to love it and want to move there. i'm excited because my sister and i are flying by ourselves which should be interesting..and fun of course...but mostly interesting.
have i mentioned being broke blows? well it does. i hate it!
checked out the last harry potter book today for the train ride home..so excited to read it! i read a little of it today, but had to stop myself.
guess that's all.
la la la
Thursday, July 22, 2010
had a big mac today...the crazy bout of itis i got after i ate it was totally worth it. and my mom sister and bree and i are going to see dreamgirls tonight. so excited. (i keep telling myself i'm excited so maybe i will get excited because i wasn't crazy about the movie but maybe the musical will be better..i just said yes because the tickets were free)
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
anyways. i hate hate hate feeling annoyed...it's so aggrevating. and a waste of time. right now i'm currently very annoyed and the problem is that i can only blame myself. yes my annoyance stems from other people and their bullshit, but it's not like i haven't seen it before..i should know by now. you'd think i'd learn my lesson by now but of course i haven't. there's an episode of sex and the city (yes i'm referencing this show) in which carrie goes through another heartbreak with big. she comes to the conclusion that maybe she is a masachist (once again idk if i spelled that right and i'm too lazy for spell check) because even though she knows big is going to hurt her she keeps going back to him. it's crazy. life is crazy sometimes...or in my case all the time.
on a lighter note, i started studying for the gre today..it's pretty intimidating. but i know if i keep working at it and stay diligent when it comes to studying for it, i can do well. i cannot cannot get lazy about this test. i need a pretty good score to offset my shitty gpa...we shall see.
also, new episode of psych tonight. i love love that show...it's still hilarious.
i don't really have much else to say..wish i had more happy things to talk about it lol.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
i go back and forth on how i feel about that quote...there are days i agree with it (usually after some repeat epiphany or life lesson learned) and other times i think it's complete crap, just like "everything happens for a reason" and blah blah. thinking back on my recent and past heartache, i should have a fucking heart of steel.
but alas i don't. which is fine...although that would be pretty cool..an anatomically correct shaped heart made of steel, but i digress. i've been trying to look at this whole spilling my guts blowing up in my face situation from the glass half full view..and i have seen some positive light (thanks in part to bree calming me down) what i really need is space. i love having space away...it's so relieving and helps me take control and regroup my emotions.
life lesson learned: don't hold on to someone who is so willing to let you go. tough but true.
and i'll never forget what my 5th grade teacher mr. johnson told us which has seriously stuck with which is that the truth hurts. lord knows thats the truth! and i have definitely been learning that lately.
in other news:
chicago in a couple weeks. super super excited!
guess that's all...past my new bedtime.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
had an AMAZING time.
cried after i spilled my guts, because i hate sharing/expressing my feelings.
laughed A LOT.
became addicted to breaking bad.
got gobs of sweet hugs.
had really good conversations.
cried on the train ride home.
overall i'd give the trip A++++++ so glad i went...
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
i know this is going to come out really REALLY bad when i type it out, but i do things that really make me question my sanity..for instance humming outloud at elevated volumes which i don't realize i do until a passerby gives me a quizzical look (who i sounded halfway intelligent just then) or have ten minute conversations with myself which i don't realize took place until i notice i just walked halfway across campus. i'm now adding to the list my newly acquired british accent which my thinking voice now speaks in for some strange reason. (i almost said my inside my head voice, but that really does make me sound crazy) idk if it's a result of the gross # of hours i've spent watching poirot or what but it's really weird.
once again my mom has put her nonexistent medical degree to good use and diagnosed me as having diabetes because i was drinking a lot of water today..normally this woman has to tie me down to drink more than 3 glasses a day now i have diabetes?! parents are crazy i swear.
was seriously considering reading the book ulysses because of all the hubbub surrounding the ulysses comic, ipad censors and a small peen shown in the comic....but then i read what it was about and passed...that wasn't rude was it?
speaking of rude i told my mom that my brother should stick to playing soccer come high school and such b.c another black kid playing bball with hopes of going to the nba was such a cliche..then i realized that was sooo rude to say lol. ohwells
i really need to find something to do with my life, b.c my fb stalking is at an all time high. the only reason i befriend some ppl from hs is to check out their page and see what they've been doing with their life, but sometimes i become jealous at their educational endeavors. never fails.
i've been craving some arrested development like crazy....here's to hoping internet tv works this time.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
idk who this person is that i've become, but i'm really digging her.
as i've previously mentioned on numerous occasions for a very long period in my life i had the lowest of low self esteem. it was during this time that i would drive myself bonkers worrying about what other people thought about me. and i would dress, act, talk etc. accordingly. but the last year or two that has definitely been shed. at this current moment in time i could really give a fuck what people think of me. yes i'm going to be 22 years old living in the dorms my last semester. and? yes my mom's mini van might be my mode of transportation while i finish up at school. so? yes sometimes i dress myself as if i got dressed in the dark. i don't fucking care.
i'm happy with the person i am. for the first time in my life i don't think about changing myself to impress a guy. what you see is what you get. oh, you don't like whatever about me? cool there's the door. whatever.
idk if this has a point or not (i'm actually not sure where this rant came from in the first place) but long story short i don't care. i love me...is what i'm trying to say..long story short.
on another note, i would never admit this to my sister who is THE biggest Drake fan in the universe, but he could TOTALLY get it! it's weird, because i read magazine interviews with him before i actually listened to his music (other than the songs he had out on the radio) and that's what made me a fan. also his singing is more appealing to me than his rap persona.i told my sister he doesn't have that great of a singing voice, but it's like your bf singing to you when drake sings..idk...i'm weird like that.
working on getting a brown or black stud for my nose since the whole plastic stud thing didn't work out last weekend. we shall see.
geez i'm tired..time for bed i guess.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Saturday, June 5, 2010
sometimes i think p knows that he can EASILY get me all kinds of fucked up in the emotion department...i bet he knows. ugh. this man i swear. i love him i do. if we had the opportunity to get back together would i do it? probably. not even gonna lie. yes we had some serious fuck ups during our relationship, but distance was the reason it ended, AND he does always (always = the random times he's mentioned it) say that if we lived in the same city he'd definitely still want to be in a relationship soooo why not?! but one thing i wonder is: is it bad that after a long time of not talking to him i don't get all lovey mushy whatever? it's during that time that i'm fully in reality: sydney he probably doesn't feel the same way you do. sydney you guys had your time let it go. sydney get the fuck over it. whatever. i'm still digging the random conversations.
went to the mall with bree and kalisha tonight...hurt my heart to walk into forever 21 and actually see a ton of stuff i liked but not have any $$..i like that store, but that never happens. it always takes me forever to find something worth buying.
i may or may not have been eating 5-7 cinnamon rolls in a row..in one day..in one sitting lately. it's soo bad. my mom keeps reminding me that it was after college that she really started to gain weight that she couldn't lose...i always want to say "well it's a good thing i'm still in school isn't it?" but i'm not dumb, i dont want to get smacked lol.
volunteer orientation at nelson atkins tomorrow morning..excitement!! i'm hoping to meet some younger people. guess that be all.
oh yea got a pedicure yesterday...my toes look soo good!! i was happy.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
drunk love makes you all happy and giddy as if it's ok to love the person you love regardless if it's ok. drunk love also makes you smile from ear to ear and want to hug the object of your affection as if you're never going to see them again.
personally i love those kind of hugs...the never ending i love you hugs.
sober love on the other hand is complete opposite. sober love is controlled by your brain (for the most part) and it keeps quiet..it stays a secret on the tip of your tongue. sober love is definitely not as carefree as drunk love.
i have got to quit blogging while under the influence. i should have kept ALLLLL my mistakes in for a good laugh.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
a couple of semesters ago i took a 18th century european art class which happened to be writing intensive. Our first paper was an analysis on Delacroix's painting The Death of Hector. For some reason it me for freaking ever to start it. then i realized i should start with the most obvious and work my way up (down? more specific?) so all i wrote was "Hector is dead". i just about died laughing...i can't explain why i thought it was so funny, but i did. SOO to make a long story short when i thought about starting my personal statement so simply i thought of my art history paper.
my life is so sad lol.
oh speaking of art history papers, i really want to read my rococo paper to someone...it's sooo unbelievably good!!! i would read it to my little brother, but it's about sex. i might be able to convince p to listen to it....it would take a lot of convincing lol.
antyways, i felt so bad and unamerican, because i was watching obama's lastest speech about the oil spill in the gulf aaannnd i definitely fell asleep lol. oh wells.
guess that's all for now.