pour dejuner je mange de sandwich du jambon et frommage.

that's supposed to say "for lunch i ate a ham and cheese sandwich".

french is going slightly better. pretty sure my professor still thinks i'm unqualified for the class, but i could give two fucks. at least he's nice about thinking i'm an idiot when i meet with him during his office hours. read "le petit prince" out loud for a little while tonight like he recommended. i figure i should be somewhat ok if i keep going for help.

got my first 3D art project today..so excited! already have an idea in mind, just hope my teacher doesn't shoot it down when i show her my sketches next week.

in other news, my room is a mess as usual..3rd day of school..idk if it's a record or not. i bet if i lived in a cool apartment with hardwood floors it would look cool to have my textbooks scattered on the floor among articles of clothing. but on the carpeted floor of a small dorm like room it just looks messy.

i wish i had someone to read to. how cute would it be to lay in bed resting on someone's nook while reading le petit prince out loud to them? that might just be the hopeless romantic in me.

i have to admit my flying piggy bank looks pretty good on my shelf (go me and my decorating taste!)

yesterday p told me he missed me. i didn't say it back. for the sake of my heart that's being barely held together by a busy mind, brave face, and bitterness; i didn't say it back. not to say that i DO miss him...i don't. i just know our clusterfuck pattern and me saying i miss you too would just start the emotional shitshow all over again. when i said i'm done this time i meant it. for real for real. i'll admit that at the current moment i'm feeling super lonely and really craving companionship, but whatever "companionship" p could give me isn't worth fucking up my emotional sanity....again...for the ZILLIONTH time. so yea. there's that.

sidenote: JUST figured out why i've been having trouble falling asleep even though i'm exhausted. cream freaking soda! yes i've had one every night about this time since sunday (don't judge me) yep i'm a smart one.

i want to end on a good note... saturday, december 18th, 2010 12pm. GRADUATION!!

off to bed...and by bed i mean finish my snack, cream soda and family guy.

title

so these 2 videos are among the very very small record of my trip to see p in stl. (well besides my pictures & video of the fireworks we watched on 4th of july, btw who knew watching fireworks could be romantic? well they are unfortunately...stupid fireworks) i'll admit that i shed my normal "saying goodbye" tears on the train, i also cried because i regretted not taking any pictures..and because i was so cold towards him the day i left as a result of getting my feelings hurt the night before. once the train pulled out of the station (which almost left WITH him because he sat with me on the train for a few minutes to say goodbye) the tears started flowing. i was angry with myself for being so bitter and wished i had taken pictures. it wasn't until about 45 mins later, after i got a hold of myself, that i realized that i had every right to be angry with him and even though i had been super distant, it was one of the few times in the years i've known him that i expressed how i truly felt. even though a little drama occurred, overall i had such a fun time and i don't regret going regardless of what happened.

so to make a long story short, here are two videos of p that basically sum him up. i love it, they make me laugh every time...and i'm putting them on here even though i know he'd kill me....

happy birfday to me...and all that jazz

i've been seriously putting off this post for the longest time...laziness i guess.

anyways, where do i start? i guess chicago is a good place

last week my sister and i joined my mumsie in the windy city for about 5 days. it was sooo nice! granted my sister and i got on each other nerves, but i loved loved LOVED the city! it was a real city..i loved crossing the street against traffic, i loved all the people everywhere, i loved the constant honking. the thought of living in a big city (chicago may not seem big, but i've lived in kansas city all my life) used to always scare me...actually going to one made me so excited to move. unfortunately the connection i thought i was going to feel at the grad school at SAIC never happened. idk if it was because the tour was 16 hours long or because my sister was annoying me, but i just did not feel it. which i guess could be a good thing so i don't have to waste $ applying there. chicago pictures coming soon...probably...hopefully

so after chicago came my birthday (sunday august 1st) . i was pretty lowkey about it, 22 isn't that big of deal to me. yes i should be thankful i lived another year..i am..buut i still wasn't that excited..idk. ended up spending about 9 hours of it on a train back home..which wasn't bad. so glad i brought the harry potter book to read again and spent a week downloading movies. i surprisingly got some good sleep too. had good conversations with p while in chicago and on the train...he's still special to me even if we are just friends.

so back in kansas city...unfortunately. i'm so sick of volunteering...all i do is sit at the visiter's desk, try not to fall asleep and tell grown ass people who don't know how to read signs that food and liquid is not allowed in the museum. *sigh* i have to keep talking myself down from the ledge when i freak out about not doing an internship and how even though the experience would've been nice, it's not going to ruin my life. i definitely had a nervous breakdown about grad school last and almost cried until p calmed me down. it's just that i'm so worried that i don't have enough experience to put on my cv and i won't get into grad school. but then i made the executive decision that if i don't get into grad school i'm still going to move away. i'm keeping the destination a secret unti the time comes to make that decision. but i'm definitely definitely moving away next august...or possibly next may/june...we'll see.

what else is new?

bought new sperry's while in chi city. purple plaid..so cute.. and so me. still working on getting a pair of toms..even though they're about $30 more than i'd like to pay for them and they look goofy on my feet..but details details.

so ready for school to start...can't believe it's my last semester..kind of freaky.

guess that's all for now...

kill or be killed

there's some stupid saying that goes "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". bullshit. i think.



i go back and forth on how i feel about that quote...there are days i agree with it (usually after some repeat epiphany or life lesson learned) and other times i think it's complete crap, just like "everything happens for a reason" and blah blah. thinking back on my recent and past heartache, i should have a fucking heart of steel.



but alas i don't. which is fine...although that would be pretty cool..an anatomically correct shaped heart made of steel, but i digress. i've been trying to look at this whole spilling my guts blowing up in my face situation from the glass half full view..and i have seen some positive light (thanks in part to bree calming me down) what i really need is space. i love having space away...it's so relieving and helps me take control and regroup my emotions.



life lesson learned: don't hold on to someone who is so willing to let you go. tough but true.

and i'll never forget what my 5th grade teacher mr. johnson told us which has seriously stuck with which is that the truth hurts. lord knows thats the truth! and i have definitely been learning that lately.



in other news:

chicago in a couple weeks. super super excited!



guess that's all...past my new bedtime.

"things have been so crazy and hectic"

spent 5 days in stl visiting p.

had an AMAZING time.

cried after i spilled my guts, because i hate sharing/expressing my feelings.

smoked cigarettes.

laughed A LOT.

became addicted to breaking bad.

got gobs of sweet hugs.

had really good conversations.

felt loved.

cried on the train ride home.



overall i'd give the trip A++++++ so glad i went...

meet me in st. louie

it's official i'm going to see p in st. louis next week for a total of 4 days!!!!! i'm soooo excited!!



ok..that's all...

oh you know

i love the feeling of freshly shaved legs in between bedsheets...they feel so cool (the temperature) my legs are so smooooth. shaving in the bathtub is so so much easy than in the shower

started hanging out with old high school friends katie and julie again...fun times have definitely been had

also, my cousin jessica's wedding was yesterday..pictures to come soon

every now and then i tell myself that one day i'm going to randomly tell p that i still love him or whatever it is i feel for him just to screw with his head, BUT then i realized it would most likely backfire in my face. womp womp. whatever.

a couple of days ago my dad and i went to the WW1 museum/memorial here in kc (which btw is one of only a few WW1 museums in the country!) it was sooo cool all the things the artifacts they had: uniforms, canons, guns, personal objects, posters, cars, all that stuff...FROM WW1!!! it amazed me how good condition everything was in. the museum was well layed out just enough textual information, but not too much to put me to sleep..just the way i like it. overall it was really good, and i had a fun time with my dad...i'm glad he's into history and stuff like i am.

this guy right here:

mr. theophilus london

he's a pretty awesome guy, i can't turn his mixtape off!! he's soo good! every song sounds different...literally. one song is straight hip hop, then he goes to funk to techno to punk rock. i love it.

check him out:

http://www.myspace.com/theophiluslondon

(pictures from myspace)

http://theophiluslondon.wordpress.com/

can't think of anything else to say...back to this awesome episode of poirot!

finally! heyzeus kreestow!

i seriously have 5 mfing other posts started...i swear i'm going to finish this one...might as well since i'm sitting here half watching transformers 2 (thanks little brother for falling asleep on me)


sometimes i think p knows that he can EASILY get me all kinds of fucked up in the emotion department...i bet he knows. ugh. this man i swear. i love him i do. if we had the opportunity to get back together would i do it? probably. not even gonna lie. yes we had some serious fuck ups during our relationship, but distance was the reason it ended, AND he does always (always = the random times he's mentioned it) say that if we lived in the same city he'd definitely still want to be in a relationship soooo why not?! but one thing i wonder is: is it bad that after a long time of not talking to him i don't get all lovey mushy whatever? it's during that time that i'm fully in reality: sydney he probably doesn't feel the same way you do. sydney you guys had your time let it go. sydney get the fuck over it. whatever. i'm still digging the random conversations.

went to the mall with bree and kalisha tonight...hurt my heart to walk into forever 21 and actually see a ton of stuff i liked but not have any $$..i like that store, but that never happens. it always takes me forever to find something worth buying.

i may or may not have been eating 5-7 cinnamon rolls in a row..in one day..in one sitting lately. it's soo bad. my mom keeps reminding me that it was after college that she really started to gain weight that she couldn't lose...i always want to say "well it's a good thing i'm still in school isn't it?" but i'm not dumb, i dont want to get smacked lol.

volunteer orientation at nelson atkins tomorrow morning..excitement!! i'm hoping to meet some younger people. guess that be all.

oh yea got a pedicure yesterday...my toes look soo good!! i was happy.

summer in the city

finally a real blog post!

i had started one earlier, but didn't feel like finishing it so i started a new one.

summer has officially hit the city of fountains (and it's companion in kansas) even though summer really doesn't start until june 20-whatever according to the stupid calendars, it really has come to kansas city. the nights are cool and the days are getting warmer. i love it. i love kansas city in the summer...i think a part of it is because i have great summer childhood memories. here's a picture of part of our backyard via me laying down on the couch under a living room window...it was so nice with the breeze blowing. i couldn't resist a nap

facebook reminded me that today is new boy's birthday. this morning i was doing some serious debating on whether or not i should wish him happy birthday. it's currently 9pm-ish and i have yet to do so. sure you could say i'm letting my pride get the best of me, BUT the only communication i have recieved from him since last tuesday, the last time we saw each other and once again he left without saying goodbye, was last saturday (graduation) when he sent me a half assed invitation to get drinks. this was his message: "ragtag?" that's not even a real question?! i politely declined since i was in kc, wished him congrats on graduating..no response. yes i would've most likely met up with him had i been in columbia (despite all the bitching and moaning i do) but i wasn't. fast forward to today...still no word from him. sooo i opted out of the birthday wishes. whatever.

speaking of p, 1. went out with bree and for the first time in who knows how long i got drunk without getting in my feelings. i was proud of myself. 2. it's funny the random things from the past you remember. for instance, idk what made me think of this, but earlier today i remembered the first time he had come down to visit me at school when we started dating. we were driving in his car back from a fuitless trip to sonic when we started going back and forth about if august is a summer month. i can't remember what his reasoning was, but it was so funny because we were both going on and on and he didn't believe that august is a part of summer...it was hilarious. i laughed to myself when i thought about it today..such a random insignificant memory. he wants to meet up when he's back in stl for a friend's wedding later in june. i don't think it's going to work, because i don't think my dad will let me take his car to columbia for the day. if he did i definitely wouldn't tell the truth. i'm torn, because i would want to spent more than a day with him since we haven't seen each other in over 2 years. but that's really not possible. and as a big believer in signs, i doubt it'll happen, because the other times we've tried to see each other since we broke up have always fallen through...serious sign. le sigh...idk. we'll see.

i really just need to get over this man...but it's not completely my fault. he starts shit by saying he misses me, and blah blah and how he misses his cuddle buddy. boys. i swear.

anyways. i must find a job. soon. this whole only volunteering plan is not working out. i'm so broke.

sidenote. not gonna lie, if i had my own car i'd seriously be planning a roadtrip to nyc. crazy i know. guess it's a good thing i don't have a car.

well guess that's all for now...i want to end on a good note..soo i'll share this little number (it's soo bad it's good!! i love a good laugh lol):

quick post

just got in from an awesome awesome night out. good company=fun times

walked home in a light storm...it was so nice.


p and i had a nice conversation...even though i was a tad under the influence...i was glad he humored me and actually held a conversation and said things my heart wanted to hear even though my brain knows it's not good for my health. made the mistake of telling him i write about him on here...hoping he forgets.


that's all...i love thunderstorms...and pizza sub from subway...and cherry slices.




and i love nice conversations :)

schoolio

today was interesting..for the most part.

pulled an all nighter to get my greek art take home final done. it was so shitty. i wrote my professor a note apologizing for it being so crappy. oh well. all that matters is that i am officially done with art history...FOREVER!! i'm done and i couldn't be happier! thank you lord.

so about this whole new boy situation. it got really weird and awkward and somehow we stopped talking to each other (mostly on my part...and my pride in retaliation to him coming off as a douche) so i texted him saying sorry for things being awkward and how i get weird in situations and how i feel bad and blah blah. after me spilling my guts in a 2 page text when i am physically unable to express my feelings, what does this man respond with? "no worries, i didn't sense any weirdness, but i'm oblivious to such." WHAT?! WHAT?! what the hell kind of response is that?! especially to what i sent. omg i'm so done, lol. guys are so unbelievably confusing!! i give up lol.

also, don't think i'm going to read p's blog anymore...got my feelings hurt major last night. although i will admit i was waiting for the slap in the face reality check...and let me tell you i definitely got it last night. oh well. lesson learned again...i've gotten over it.

the city and the hills again tonight! mostly excited for the city, olivia gets her ass handed to her by joe zee (who i love love btw..he's awesome)

sidenote: seinfeld is definitely one of my favorite tv shows of all time..it's soo funny! lol

a penny for your thoughts love?

i swear i'm going to stop using my exacto knife to cut my hair when i can't find my scissors

last night i had my usual "not going out on a friday night" criminal minds marathon...usually a&e shows about 4-5 episodes, every episode last night shemar moore was kicking down doors...i never thought i'd ever be turned on by that...guess it helps when the guy doing the door kicking is super fine.

did a lot of thinking today and thought about kissing new boy and why it felt so different. i finally realized it's because i'm used to black guys who have much fuller lips. now don't get me wrong i enjoyed kissing new boy, but there's something about kissing a pair of nice full lips that i can't give up..hmm..

p has a new blog/website...i'd never tell him i read it...i'll admit that i miss his writings. when we were together he always used to send me his stuff to read. i've always loved his writing...he's so unbelievably good...i'm so glad he went to grad school for what he loves and not to please his dad.

(via lelove)

guess you could say i'm still sweet on him...of course i would never tell him that...i know he doesn't feel the same (know= i'm 99.999% sure he doesn't, but the hopeless romantic in me would like to believe he does...sad i know) i miss his hugs...he gave the best hugs...and his kisses

telling him all of this and more is constantly on the tip of my tongue....MUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT!! i really don't my feelings hurt. although the last time i went through this he spilled his guts first...i don't think it's going to happen again though..this whole distance thing is not cool.

ending on a happy note: one more day closer to summer!

my own reverse letters

soo chelsea over at triumphs and blunders of a kooky gal came up with the brilliant idea of writing reverse letters (found herre and herre) her reverse letters are neat spin on naomi's little letters at rockstar diaries (i've mentioned her awesome blog and happy lists before)

antyways, i was walking home from lavender graduation--> mu's graduation of members of the lgbtq community and their allies who show outstanding service not only on mu's campus, but in the lgbtq resource office as well. so i was walking home and looked down at myself and thought "yea my body and i don't always get along, but boy do i love my curvy hourglass figure" (i'm a closet vain person lol) and i thought about my turbulent wednesday night and came up with the idea of writing a letter from my body to myself...so here it goes:

DEAR SYDNEY,

i'm sorry you were so unhappy with my wednesday and i'm glad we made up. i know you get frustrated with me sometimes, but damn girl i look good. don't worry about the love handles, stomache pudge and the cellulite. as long as you're happy that's all that matters.

love, your body

DEAR SYDNEY,

please stop pulling me out, i know it's a really REALLY bad habit, but you don't want me to look like patches o'toole right?

love, your hair

DEAR SYDNEY,

don't try and eat all of me in one night...especially after you wolfed down about 2o cheese cubes at the lav grad reception. remember i can always be saved as leftovers.

love, medium pepperoni pizza

DEAR SYDNEY,

stop worrying, everything will work out.

love, the future

DEAR SYDNEY,

you're awesome. don't forget it

love, self

yea, so they're not charming or witty or earth shattering, but they'll do for now.

it kinda weirds me out how well P (aka "ex lovah"....that got kinda old lol) still knows me....knows me really really well...guess i shouldn't complain. the music website he told me about was right up my ally.

that's my ending happy note :)

fuck

last night. bad and good.

where do i start??

yesterday day was ok...skipped my last class of the semester to go to senior sendoff day. (seniors walk back thru the columns to symbolize us leaving mizzou and going into the real world, then they give us beer and try to get us to join the alumni association. whatever.) even though i'm not graduating until december i still went...only b.c i friends were there. it's events like this that remind me how much i don't look my age...i feel like i still look 18. it's cool.

ended up getting drinks with chatoyya angelica and ryan. i had every intention of staying in and working on finals' stuff but this white chick was acting out. getting ready is where things went downhill. i saw pictures of myself from senior sendoff...i did not look good at all. apparently this whole mascara only/"au naturale" look i've been going for for the past month or two hasn't been working out...at all. then none of my clothes fit right, i looked super frumpy and when i attempted to put on makeup it didn't turn out so well. i so upset, i this close to bailing on going out and sitting on my floor in my underwear balling my eyes out.

but i was i a big girl, sucked it up and went out anyways...then of course when i told chatoyya what happened i got a little teary eyed. as i've mentioned before on here i'm a pretty happy person overall, i like my body even though we don't always get along, but something about last night made me get so emotional. i haven't felt that bad about myself in so long. chatoyya gave me a pep talk which cheered me up. unfortunately that's not where the bad ended.

it never fails, whenever i drink an ounce of alcohol whatever feelings i have for my ex come out. always. ALWAYS. he came up in conversation and drunk sydney jumped at the chance to talk about him. drunk sydney also admitted that a small part of my heart still belongs to him. idk what this feeling is. i'll admit he has said and done some pretty mean shit over the past couple of years. and yet i still get sad when he doesn't respond to my texts, go to him for comfort when i'm feeling down, i stopped following him on twitter 3 separate times, i hid him from my facebook newsfeed,i can only look at his page when i'm drunk, i try to be a good friend and listen to his dating woes which is a big step for me because i can finally do so without wanting to throw up and/or throw my phone against the wall, we still tell each other "i miss you" and "i was thinking about you", i have yet to find anyone who i have such strong chemistry with the way i do with him. basically it's one big emotional clusterfuck. we broke up almost 2 years ago so why do i still have "feelings" or whatever for this man?! it's fucked up i know...i've acknowledged it. but for some reason i can't let go. we've gone weeks without communicating and i've been perfectly content. and yet these feelings still exist. of course i would never tell him any of this, because i'm incapable of telling people how i feel.....whatever...not really just whatever. but whatever.

once again not the end of the bad.

i've written before about my heart condition. i haven't had heart palpitations in long time, but for some reason they've been bad this week. had one in class on tuesday that took me by such surprise i literally clutched my chest. but anyways so idk it was because of the alcohol but i got two last night. the second one happened after i had gotten home, the rapid heartbeat hurt so bad i started crying...then i wondered if it was the real reason i was crying..probably not but it's easier to blame it on my heart. i also think being drunk didn't make things better...but it was scary, because it lasted longer than usual.

so yea i've had better nights.

back to stale saltines, nursing my hangover and old episodes of fresh prince

hoping today will be better.

be all that i can be

i mentioned..to another person...another LIVE human being..in conversation that gary sinise narrating these army commercials make me want to join. i know i know that's so bad. i don't want to join for real for real, but they're a lot more convincing with his voice in the background...he's just so cool!

sometimes i should keep my thoughts to myself i think lol.

may or may not have made a 1:30am run to the campus market store for cherry slices...

it's so bad. BUT i paid in cash and it's only a minute walk from my dorm (i kept telling myself that to justify the trip & purchase lol) i get some SERIOUS candy cravings. serious. for the longest time my mom thought i had diabetes because when i crave candy i HAVE to have it. (she doesn't like to be reminded she doesn't have a medical degree). i must say they were definitely worth it.

more doodles:

i was really hungry...this is what i thought

my stomach looked like

don't ask

herakles (or hercules..i like the greek spelling

better) i forgot his lion cape so i drew

the lion before herakles kills him

clearly my whole "no more doodling" kick didn't last very long...i guess it doesn't help we've been listening to presentations. 3/4 of my art history classes have been doing presentations for the past lord knows how many weeks...it's PAINFUL with a capital stab myself in the eye to get out of class. i'm so sick of art history it's crazy. i guess that's what 1 week of class left in the semester will do to you.

random sidenote: my dreams have been super crazy lately. weirdly crazy.

my best guy friend and i have had some really good conversations surrounding the new boy situation lately. (things aren't going as planned) i love getting things from a guy perspective. mainly the truth. i must say i hate being bullshitted, treated like i have "naive" written on my forehead and played to the left which is EXACTLY what's been going on lately. whatever.

two things to end on a happy note with:

1. got a FREE copy of homer's odyssey from the craft studio...yay for free books!!

2. i am way pumped for this movie. love will forte and these skits on snl were always some of my favorites...and kristen wiig?! yes. lol

i need "how to be an adult" lessons

it kind of freaks me out, because over the past 2 or 3 years i feel like my true personality has really started to come out and i feel like it's stunted. i know i'm only 21 and just starting to join the adult world, but i have the maturity level of a 14 year old boy with a mind that's just as dirty. for instance today in my italian renaissance artists class my teacher was talking about believing in yourself when presenting a paper and blah blah...what do i do in response? sing "don't stop believing" by journey...outloud. yes out loud. lord help me.

BUT! after class when i told new boy it was stuck in my head he sang it with me...it was pretty great. lol.

second thing. i really really REALLY need to work on this whole doodling thing...i'm giving myself one more semester to get thru it...it's sooo bad. (at least new boy always says good things about them lol)

here's some of my lovely doodles from my greek sculpture class

overall today was a really good day....had my usual walk n talk after class with new boy...his 5 oclock shadow scruff made my heart go pitter patter..lol. somehow i made it through my 2 geology class without knowing what time it was since my phone died literally 10minutes before class started. i guess filling in my planner up through july helped too.

wore my favorite headband thing:

it's super stretched out and i'm sure there are some people out there that would disagree with me trying to make a faux sequin silver bow headband go with everything but i don't care, i loves it...there's something about wearing a bow..idk what it is.

yesterday i started working on my personal statement even though i won't be applying to school for many months, but i figured i'd get started on it now, anyways 5 minutes into it i began to wonder what would be a reasonable price to pay someone to write it for me...this is going to be hard. exactly why i'm working on it now.

and i must say i almost pee my pants every time the trailor for SATC 2 comes on..i'm sooo excited! AND even better, it comes out when my sister and i will both be back home for summer break, so i'm hoping me her and my mom can see it together since we saw the first one together...so excited.

guess that's all....back to the city premiere!!

"and BOOM goes the dynamite"

soo...

i like it when a boy with breathtaking(ly?) blue eyes invites me to get ice cream with him.

i also like it when said boy with gorgeous blue eyes laughs at the things i say even when they're weird, i like it when he doesn't address my bad habit of word vomit. i like it when he notices that i'm constantly humming that tune from kill bill when whatsherface is walking through the hospital to kill whatsherface. i like it when boy calls me and i'm super sick and he says "aww poor sydney" i like finding out new things about the boy.

however, i DON'T like it when i think about the boy all the time..a lot more than a person should considering we've hung out twice outside of school. i don't like this "whatever this situation is" business.

i'm weird enough as it is..this whole thing is really bringing out deep down weirdness that i didn't even know existed.

time for chocolate chip cookies.

she lives!

so i'm no longer dying of some rare undetectable virus. i do know that if my liver ever fails, it'll either be from the alcohol consumption or the constant od-ing on ibprofen when i'm sick. at least i'll know. glad to be feeling better, i hate being sick...i ran out of people to complain to (note to self: find more friends/aquaintances so i can later bitch to them) angelica was so sweet and brought me soup which also helped.

ugh i'm going to be the death of myself. ok maybe my word vomit is...i should've just stopped talking but no i had to keep going. *sigh* oh wells i guess. it was one of those moments where as soon as the words left my mouth (mouth= fingers typing in a text message) and i hit send i KNEW that was a bad idea. *sigh* i was doing so well too. i guess i can play crazy and pretend like i never said it. whatever, moving on.

idk what else to say...cool thing of the week coming soon...as soon as i get off my lazy bum.

*here's to having a better rest of the day..

awkward is as awkward does.

think the title is pretty self explanatory.

i've finally grown out of my 12-13 year ugly duckling stage...unfortunately my awkwardness is still here..lord have mercy am i one awkward person. this whole "i'm into you but not sure how into me you are but i want to hang out with you anyway but i don't know how to approach you without sounding like a crazy lady because i don't know how you feel" thing is not what's up.

maybe it's all the drugs i'm on because of my cold...most likely not, but i can pretend right?

i think what i'm gonna do from now on is when i meet a guy give him a business card that says "just a quick heads up i'm super awkward so if i handle situations in a weird way that's why. i'm not a crazy lady, i just haven't developed the necessary social skills to be a functioning adult"

lord help me
i should probably stop talking about myself...i really do love myself i swear..i just have these moments

ps everytime i sneeze a layer of my throat comes off, a piece of brain becomes detached AND my eardrums explode...yes i am dying from a cold. rare i know



lol

mercy mercy me!

whew lordy.

once again thank goodness for friends!!! bree and angelica both had to talk me down from the crazy lady/neurotic thoughts level i was on today as a result of this weekend. yes i am still a little concerned and yes my mind is still going a mile a minute at times, but i'm not as "wowuwah aaahh" as i was earlier. (that's my interpretation of crazy lady speech lol)

in other news..tuesday should be interesting being in class with newboy after what happened this weekend. here's to hoping my worst fears won't come true.

we shall see we shall see.

btw i wish i had taken a picture of the outfit i wore on our date, not to toot my horn but i looked pretty good..his compliment on it was the icing on the cake.

sidenote: i've had this song stuck in my head ALL day. oh robin thicke...mmh mm! this man is soo so sexy...especially when he talks..and when he sings of course. he and paula patton are SO adorable together. his song sex therapy gets me everytime.