Saturday, July 24, 2010

make me feel like a woman!

oh shania.

anyways, i must say that being a woman is hard! what i thought was my usual random bout of depression was just pms. (thank gooseness!!) it was really bad there for a few days. i also must say i'm thankful for cramps. and there's only one reason an active girl prays for cramps, but i won't get into that lol.

so super excited for chicago!!! i have a big feeling i'm going to love it and want to move there. i'm excited because my sister and i are flying by ourselves which should be interesting..and fun of course...but mostly interesting.

have i mentioned being broke blows? well it does. i hate it!

checked out the last harry potter book today for the train ride excited to read it! i read a little of it today, but had to stop myself.

guess that's all.

la la la

Thursday, July 22, 2010

want some cheese with that whine?

sometimes (i'm using that word in the loosest terms) i feel bad when i get all complainy about my life. like now for instance. i'm really hoping chicago and get me out of my slump (i think that's the word i want...i've been typing this post in my head all day and of course when i sit down to write it out i forget what i want to say). i hate being in my slump because i'm irritable and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. and i'm pissed at the same time. i wish i was one of those girls that cussed the people she is mad at over the phone. i know that would feel so good right about now. but i'm not.

..stupid slump.

had a big mac today...the crazy bout of itis i got after i ate it was totally worth it. and my mom sister and bree and i are going to see dreamgirls tonight. so excited. (i keep telling myself i'm excited so maybe i will get excited because i wasn't crazy about the movie but maybe the musical will be better..i just said yes because the tickets were free)



a few weeks ago i randomly asked my mom if she ever thanks heaven for her not coming out as a conjoined twin...the look she gave me was priceless. of course she laughed and said no, then i went on to explain that on a semi regular basis i thank the lord i didn't come out that way. pretty sure she thinks i'm weird now, but it was pretty funny at the time. for some reason i just thought of that and it made me smile.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


i want to officially make an ademdum (i have no idea how to spell that word, i just really like the way it sounds) to my post about my stl trip. i'm retracting my "i felt loved" statement. it's a long story i don't want to get into i've had weeks to think about it and i'm taking it out.

anyways. i hate hate hate feeling's so aggrevating. and a waste of time. right now i'm currently very annoyed and the problem is that i can only blame myself. yes my annoyance stems from other people and their bullshit, but it's not like i haven't seen it before..i should know by now. you'd think i'd learn my lesson by now but of course i haven't. there's an episode of sex and the city (yes i'm referencing this show) in which carrie goes through another heartbreak with big. she comes to the conclusion that maybe she is a masachist (once again idk if i spelled that right and i'm too lazy for spell check) because even though she knows big is going to hurt her she keeps going back to him. it's crazy. life is crazy sometimes...or in my case all the time.

on a lighter note, i started studying for the gre's pretty intimidating. but i know if i keep working at it and stay diligent when it comes to studying for it, i can do well. i cannot cannot get lazy about this test. i need a pretty good score to offset my shitty gpa...we shall see.

also, new episode of psych tonight. i love love that's still hilarious.

i don't really have much else to say..wish i had more happy things to talk about it lol.

Friday, July 16, 2010

forgive me father for i have i sinned

attending catholic school for 7 out of the 21 3/4 years of my life that phrase was nothing new to me, even though thank gooseness i'm not catholic so i got to sit twiddle my thumbs and daydream while my fellow classmates participated in confession

anywayss, moving on to my original point, i admit that self doubt will probably be my downfall..but only if i allow it. i'd consider myself the be pretty confident with relatively high self esteem...but when it comes to academic self esteem i definitely need to work on that. i have tendency to compare myself to more successful peers and put myself down. this really kicked into high gear yesterday when i discovered that columbia university has a master's program in contemporary art curatorial studies. i'm definitely going to apply...just worried about getting in, but my good friend maureen is my designated talk me down from the ledge in terms of my academic future. thank goodness for her.

just started getting into bravo's work of art...i'll admit i bitched about it when i first found out it was coming out, but after watching it, it's sooo good!! i admire the artists on the show for being able to create awesome pieces of art on the spot like that. so cool.

so i'm super broke at the moment. so broke i don't have $ for gas which means i'm basically on lockdown until my parents get back in town. bree is so nice, she really wants to go out tonight and is willing to spot me so i can go out too. she is truly truly my best friend, i would do anything for that girl i swear.

random sidenote: gilmore girls is such an awesome show!! despite the fact that there were basically zero black people in it, it's a pretty fun show..i remember i used to watch it all the time when it was on tv for real and not syndication.

guess that's it on the rambling

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

kill or be killed

there's some stupid saying that goes "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger". bullshit. i think.

i go back and forth on how i feel about that quote...there are days i agree with it (usually after some repeat epiphany or life lesson learned) and other times i think it's complete crap, just like "everything happens for a reason" and blah blah. thinking back on my recent and past heartache, i should have a fucking heart of steel.

but alas i don't. which is fine...although that would be pretty anatomically correct shaped heart made of steel, but i digress. i've been trying to look at this whole spilling my guts blowing up in my face situation from the glass half full view..and i have seen some positive light (thanks in part to bree calming me down) what i really need is space. i love having space's so relieving and helps me take control and regroup my emotions.

life lesson learned: don't hold on to someone who is so willing to let you go. tough but true.

and i'll never forget what my 5th grade teacher mr. johnson told us which has seriously stuck with which is that the truth hurts. lord knows thats the truth! and i have definitely been learning that lately.

in other news:

chicago in a couple weeks. super super excited!

guess that's all...past my new bedtime.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

"things have been so crazy and hectic"

spent 5 days in stl visiting p.

had an AMAZING time.

cried after i spilled my guts, because i hate sharing/expressing my feelings.

smoked cigarettes.

laughed A LOT.

became addicted to breaking bad.

got gobs of sweet hugs.

had really good conversations.

felt loved.

cried on the train ride home.

overall i'd give the trip A++++++ so glad i went...