annoyed

i want to officially make an ademdum (i have no idea how to spell that word, i just really like the way it sounds) to my post about my stl trip. i'm retracting my "i felt loved" statement. it's a long story i don't want to get into i've had weeks to think about it and i'm taking it out.

anyways. i hate hate hate feeling annoyed...it's so aggrevating. and a waste of time. right now i'm currently very annoyed and the problem is that i can only blame myself. yes my annoyance stems from other people and their bullshit, but it's not like i haven't seen it before..i should know by now. you'd think i'd learn my lesson by now but of course i haven't. there's an episode of sex and the city (yes i'm referencing this show) in which carrie goes through another heartbreak with big. she comes to the conclusion that maybe she is a masachist (once again idk if i spelled that right and i'm too lazy for spell check) because even though she knows big is going to hurt her she keeps going back to him. it's crazy. life is crazy sometimes...or in my case all the time.


on a lighter note, i started studying for the gre today..it's pretty intimidating. but i know if i keep working at it and stay diligent when it comes to studying for it, i can do well. i cannot cannot get lazy about this test. i need a pretty good score to offset my shitty gpa...we shall see.

also, new episode of psych tonight. i love love that show...it's still hilarious.

i don't really have much else to say..wish i had more happy things to talk about it lol.

can't think of a title

I’ve been writing this post in my head the past few days, just now getting to posting as a result of my laziness.

Guess I’m out of my funk..kinda a little…I must say I’m officially really done with people’s bullshit. I don’t really mean people as in plural of a person, just one person in particular. Niave little me thought that regardless of my relationship past/current/what could have been with a person they wouldn’t continuously treat me like I was some run of the mill chick who didn’t mean anything to them. I’m done. Past done. i’m delete your # from my phone after almost 3 years done. When I talked to Bree about this for the thousandth time she mentioned that I just need to find a guy that will take my mind off things. I agree somewhat with that, but at the same time I believe that it’s very important to me that I get over things on my own (besides the advice from friends and family) because like now, I’m not always going to have a guy to rely on to boost me up emotionally and all that jazz entailed with moving past someone. As hard as it is to get over someone who held such an important place in your heart for so long, I’d like to do it on my own..it’s been tough, but I know I’m stronger because of it. This whole thing has DEFINITELY affected how I approach my relationships with guys now..but in a positive way.

Moving on I guess…so Friday I decided to change my career path again..kind of…I have decided to study African Art in grad school. I’ve always liked it…but I think I don’t need a standard foreign language for real to study it…is that rude? It probably is if that’s a key reason to want to study African Art. Oh well. Just another idea to ponder.

Last night was Angelica’s 22^nd birthday celebration..it was soo much fun!! I actually ate a whole sushi roll..all by myself!! (this is a pretty good feat for me considering sushi and I have never really been friends) however I did learn that it’s not a good idea for someone who never eats sushi to eat sushi then drink alcohol and dance right after. Well lesson learned, my stomach was killing me last night. But I still had a good time, we got a dance party going in the middle of the bar..it was pretty awesome.

Guess that’s all for now…I currently have a migraine..not a brain aneurysm (thanks google) so I’m gonna go nurse that.

procrastination at its finest

so it's almost 4am and the revised paper that's due tomorrow at 1pm is sitting here next to me...still waiting to be revised..at least it moved from my school bag (where it's been since last thursday). anyways i wanted to write about my heart condition...(mainly because a commercial for healthy living and exercise just came on). so this past june/july, i don't really remember when exactly, i was diagnosed with inappropriate sinus tachycardia which just means my heart randomly gets unusually rapid heartbeats. my doctor deducted (deduced) that they were being caused by emotional stress. and i definitely believe him, because i was going through some serious emotional shizz at the time..and the year before that when it started. it sucks, because when i say the rapid heartbeats are random i mean they are RANDOM! usually i get them after walking briskly, or up a lot of floors...instances like that. but sometimes i get them while sitting down. so my point is is that my doctor, who doesn't believe in prescribing medicine when it's not completely necessary, told me that excercising and weight lifting will help...mostly make my heart stronger. that was in the summer...i have yet to do either.

i know i know i need to do blah blah and treat my heart blah blah and blah. but how do you expect a non working out person to just switch things up?! i've never ever liked excercising! ever! in 2006 sports illustrated voted mizzou's $50 gazillion rec center #1 in the MF-ing country! using the aerobic and weightlifting machines is FREE for students and i've only worked out there maybe 7 times in the whole entire 4 years span of time i've been here...yea so excercising isn't happening anytime soon...i stopped complaining about my condition because 1. my grandmother has a heart attack everytime she hears my heart had one little flutter, i have my mom to thank for that and 2. if i'm not going to solve my problem i shouldn't complain..just like people who don't vote shouldn't complain. but now i'm thinking i may have to start doing something, because being bundled up for some reason makes it so everytime i walk somewhere on campus i feel like my heart is going to give out...not a good look.

how my heart looks right now..poor thing

kinda sorta stole this picture,

it;s from a cute blog: http://beyond1123.wordpress.com/

click here

sidenote: this has nothing to do with anything, but i've been watching a lot of roseanne lately and i must say i can't stand becky...she is so selfish and bratty..i know it's just a tv show, but she really bugs me.

ok time for a quick sleep then up to work on this idiotic paper

back from the dead

i think the title fits pretty well..in blog terms since it's been almost a month since my last post...let's just say i was going through some thangs ...ok just one thing really. it was really hard but i'm good now. for real good not "oh yea i'm happy but i'm really covering up my sad" but i can honestly say i'm genuinely happy and i haven't felt this way in awhile. even though i'm stressed with school/finals/plans for the future, and i'm as single as a girl can get i'm still pretty happy. which is a good sign. anyways, so i'm in a slight delimma...i'm really into this guy i met, but he has a girlfriend...sidenote: i developed feelings for him before i found out he had a gf. so lately i've been keeping a distance...at least trying to, because i don't want to overstep any boundaries. i refuse to be "that girl"..i've been cheated on and it is THE worst feeling in the world....as unfair as it is, because he's a great guy and she's in texas while he's in kansas...ugh. whatever. gotta keep in mind my morals.

this semester went by soo fast...as hard and crazy it was...fast. so excited to go home for break..granted my siblings and i will probably kill each other i'm still looking forward to it.

here's some pictures from my haitus:

our family christmas tree, we've had
the same fake tree for about 15 years

the plaza lights

more lights

a cinderalla carriage

my peach cobbler...made it all
by myself! turned out really
good too

on my way out

the best puppydog ever

dan and i

waiting in line to see
regina spektor

regina spektor

the were soo serious about
no cameras, so i only
got these two. but the concert
was still AMAZING!!

................

dear sir,

please please please please....please don't tell me you miss me..

sydney