Thursday, December 31, 2009

"you're killing me smalls"

sometimes you have to keep reminding yourself
that everything is going to be matter
how shitty you feel.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

500 days of summer

i love this's really really good...definitely could've used it over a year ago when my last relationship was's a lot easier to have that "not everything is meant to be" mentality almost 2 years after the fact..but i digress..i love zooey deschenal (sp?) she can do no wrong in my eyes..except for her blonde hair in elf...i like her even more now that she's married to ben gibbard..i think they make an awesome couple. and i love her band she & him..i'll admit her singing voice is kind of weird, but i still like it. and love love joseph gordon-levitt..he was really good in it too..

anyways so i've been ok lately..had to snap myself back to reality a few times, but i'm good. now normally i'm not a super religious person but a friend of mine's caretaker was telling us about praying for the right man..not necessarily the one we WANT but the one we NEED ...don't pray for physical, but for emotional etc. so i prayed for someone who will treat me right. like the way i deserve to be treated..i have faith he's out there somewhere. ..can't give up on love...i guess lately this whole soulmate/fate business has really been on my mind, especially after my cousin's bridal shower earlier this week...all i know is that i want a cute "how we met and how we got engaged" story...i'm such a sap

well guess that's all...back to the movie

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

home sweet home

so i'm in my 5th day of my christmas break....i am in heaven! it's so nice not having any obligations, but doing the dishes and keeping the house straightened up. i slept in til 2 today and noon's so relaxing. been hanging out with the homie bree which has been a lot of fun. 5 days into a month long break and i have yet to want to kill my sister (that's doing pretty good considering past breaks). i love christmas time...especially being home in kc
well i guess that's all..just wanted to bask in the glow of break.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

procrastination at its finest

so it's almost 4am and the revised paper that's due tomorrow at 1pm is sitting here next to me...still waiting to be least it moved from my school bag (where it's been since last thursday). anyways i wanted to write about my heart condition...(mainly because a commercial for healthy living and exercise just came on). so this past june/july, i don't really remember when exactly, i was diagnosed with inappropriate sinus tachycardia which just means my heart randomly gets unusually rapid heartbeats. my doctor deducted (deduced) that they were being caused by emotional stress. and i definitely believe him, because i was going through some serious emotional shizz at the time..and the year before that when it started. it sucks, because when i say the rapid heartbeats are random i mean they are RANDOM! usually i get them after walking briskly, or up a lot of floors...instances like that. but sometimes i get them while sitting down. so my point is is that my doctor, who doesn't believe in prescribing medicine when it's not completely necessary, told me that excercising and weight lifting will help...mostly make my heart stronger. that was in the summer...i have yet to do either.

i know i know i need to do blah blah and treat my heart blah blah and blah. but how do you expect a non working out person to just switch things up?! i've never ever liked excercising! ever! in 2006 sports illustrated voted mizzou's $50 gazillion rec center #1 in the MF-ing country! using the aerobic and weightlifting machines is FREE for students and i've only worked out there maybe 7 times in the whole entire 4 years span of time i've been here...yea so excercising isn't happening anytime soon...i stopped complaining about my condition because 1. my grandmother has a heart attack everytime she hears my heart had one little flutter, i have my mom to thank for that and 2. if i'm not going to solve my problem i shouldn't complain..just like people who don't vote shouldn't complain. but now i'm thinking i may have to start doing something, because being bundled up for some reason makes it so everytime i walk somewhere on campus i feel like my heart is going to give out...not a good look.

how my heart looks right now..poor thing
kinda sorta stole this picture,
it;s from a cute blog:

sidenote: this has nothing to do with anything, but i've been watching a lot of roseanne lately and i must say i can't stand becky...she is so selfish and bratty..i know it's just a tv show, but she really bugs me.

ok time for a quick sleep then up to work on this idiotic paper

currently flipping my shizz

as you can see from the title i'm kinda sorta freaking out right now, because i think i finally found a picture of a woman with an afro whose hair resembles mine. i have been natural for about 2 years now, still figuring out how to properly take care of my hair which i think i just found out my curl type which may be a 3B or's hard to tell..i'm bi-racial which makes my hair kind of crazy..(it's curly/wavy but fine too) when it's long like it is now (about 4-41/2 inches i want to say) i have strands of hair that are S-curl type, wavy and even straight ones, which out of a bad habit i always end up pulling out (it's really bad i know) anyways i've been blog hopping like crazy on natural hair care/style/info blogs and i FINALLY found my least i think i did...via

argh! this woman is so pretty! and

her hair is so awesome...i'm hoping to get mine

that long...lord help me.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"what has two thumbs, speaks limited french and hasn't cried once today? this moi!"

title brought to you by liz lemon via 30 of my favorite quotes from that show

so today is the only day i don't have any finals (besides friday) i have a paper revision due and a final to take tomorrow, so what did i do today? seriously laid in bed ALL mf-ing day...well at least until about 4. i got up to pee and eat, but that was about it. i did shower though! the only productive things i did today were pay my school bill and reserve my chuttle ride home for friday. oh and i did buy my new year's eve dress...i've been seraching high and low for a dress that was reasonbaly priced but also unique. bree and i are going to a huge party for new year's and i would really prefer it if i was the only one in attendence with my dress. i happened to be on forever 21's website just to browse through their dresses again even though the first time ended up being fruitless, but i guess they put up new dresses, because i found one!! it reminded me of when my mom and i went seraching for my senior prom dress. i looked through dresses that i thought were cute, but when i laid eyes on THE ONE i knew i had to have to have it. same thing earlier today. after i saw the dress, i didn't even bother looking at the other dresses...i had to have it. anyways, here it is: (it's a bit short for my taste, so i think i'm gonna wear leggings underneath it):

isn't it purdy?! because of my limited funds (limited= none) i had to sacrifice getting my eyebrows waxed in order to get the dress, but i'm happy with my decision...the girls are going to look great! lol. i am sooo excited for this's going to be packed with delicious fellas, a drink will be in my hand at all times, and i'm going with times are always had when i hang out with her.
i'm currently watching funniest commercials special on me not by choice...only because george lopez is having a cast renuinion of his sitcom on his show tonight and i know that if i change the channel i'll forget...sounds like a bit much, but it's happened before unfortunately.
well i guess that's all...don't really have anything profound to say..
..maybe i'll start on that paper...

an ugly duckling i am no longer

so you know how they (idk who "they" really is) say some people peak at a certain age? well i'm finally growing out of my 13 year ugly duckling phase..well at least i think i am...and i'm hoping praying and hoping that i don't peak at this age. that would suck some major whale balls..i mean i personally think i'm attractive...i know i'm no halle berry or kerry washington or zoe saldana or rosario dawson or alicia keys but i know i'm not a dog either.

anyways, some friends and i saw princess and the frog last was SOOO good. yes it contained stereotypes and blah blah (it's one should be surprised) it was just nice seeing so many brown faces..and apparently this is the first animated disney movie that was hand drawn in 7 years or something like that...overall it was really's definitely one of those movies where i cry at the end, because i'm so happy..which i did...ok maybe not cry cry but i definitely shed some tears.

the pretty tiana and naveen as a frog

different stills from the movie...ok don't judge
me, but the dad was pretty attractive for
a cartoon...i know that sounds super weird

prince naveen was pretty cute too...and i
was really glad he ended up darker in the movie
than he looked in the previews

had my first final was one of those incidents where you get the test and all you can do is laugh, because you know you're going to have pull some bull out the air to get through the teacher put the first comparison slide (it's an art history class) up on the screen and my friend and i looked at each other then busted out laughing...overall the test wasn't as bad as i expected...

saturday i got a finals care package my mom sent me...the 8 pack of mini butterfingers was gone in 2 days and the 5-pack of stick crackers with dip cheese was gone in one...i seriously have a eating's so bad that when i watch tv a lot of the time i start to crave whatever food is on the screen...and lately i've been eating or trying to get food in my's weird..but that is my life.

guess that's all for now..

Thursday, December 10, 2009

what a girl wants

so like every other college student across this vast, equality denying(like that?), country i have finals..however I am not freaking least not yet. tomorrow (today technically?) is stop day here at good 'ol mizzou which equals no classes. i should be excited, which i am i guess, but i have a paper due..ok just the revised edition, i should be working on it...but of course the usual weeknight roseanne marathon is much more appealing. i'm thinking about just doing it tomorrow after my 11am exam review. my teacher didn't give us a specific time soooo...yea. i also have volunteering...i really shouldn't complain i won't be back until mid jan. and for once i can spend my time not doing schoolwork. it's just SOOOO cold out!! but then again if i'm willing to walk in the cold for drinks then i can do it for volunteering...blah blah blah.
it is a really bad idea for me to blog while watching tv...i keep forgetting how easily distracted i can get...i know i had more to say, but i can't remember what...
one thing i've noticed about myself, is that when i'm single single (meaning there's NO ONE i'm seeing, "talking to" or sinning with) i always super evaluate the guy kind of guy i want to date...i found myself doing that tonight and in my head i was thinking *said in super perky, happy, soprano voice* "i know exactly what kind of guy i want. he's going to be this this and this. and we're going to do this this this"...yea it's sad. i'm so weird. i'm unfortunately turning into the crazy, single lady....hopefully it's just phase...maybe it'll help if i get out of my head so much.
anyways on a happier note, CORINNE BAILEY RAE IS BAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! can you see the excitement? yea i'm kinda excited..just a little. she has a short video on her website of her in the studio messing around and talking about her new album...she's so adorable!! and i love her hair even more now her hair is soo long! i can't wait to hear her new music..i think her album comes out in jan?...feb? but yea excitement all around.
guess i'll end it there...probably should go to sleep since i'm not doing any revising at the moment.
(for some reason the video wasn't working right on her website)

Monday, December 7, 2009

hello? is it me you're looking for?

oh lionel (see title)

as usual i'm doing some major student failing at the moment..i have a paper due wednesday that i should've been spending the past 10 years of my life working on, but of course i didn't. instead i'm sitting in bed watching tv and hopping through blogs...there are so many good ones out there...wish i 1. had more to say then just meaningless rambles and complaints, 2. lived in a big city like chicago, or new york or dc or philadelphia (i have no idea how to spell that), houston or la ...i know i'm stuck here in columbia as a result of my circumstances, but still... 3. had more fashion sense..well i guess i like my style, i just don't have the means i.e money from a job...which i also don't's so bad, i've been surviving off my parents..ok not plural, because my dad only sent me $ ONCE in my 4 years of i'm not bitter at all...anyways...i work in the summers, just not during the school years. maybe it's out of laziness..idk really.
i guess what i'm really saying is that i can't wait live on my own...i know i'll probably regret saying "i can't wait" a few years from now when i'm paying for everything myself, but i am..i think it's from me being in school..i'm sooo done. my brain hurts oh so much.


so here's my plan for the next year:
summer 2010- museum internship (fingers crossed) maybe take german..i really don't want to but i know if i want to get into grad school it'll help ..whatever
fall semester 2010- start italian ( i know i know i'm super late, but whatevs), graduate
spring semester 2011- start my break from school, continue to take italian, find job or paid internship
then grad school ..idk..i feel less like a crazy, unorganized lady if i write it out

I really really REALLY can't stand holdiay jewelry commercials...they're so unbelievably cheesy and annoying..they make me cringe..and a lot of it is really really future significant other in for a interesting ride with me..

so i've noticed (at least when it comes to my life) when things come to an end other things end too. for instance when another person and i end all things romantic..and right now communication as it were (i know that phrase doesn't belong there i just wanted to use it) other things in as plans for the future. i had planned on going to new york for spring break...well thanks to the events that happened over the past few weeks i kinda threw those plans now it looks as if i'll be spending my senior year spring break at home..for the second year in a least last year angelica was staying with us..i guess i could go stay with my grandparents in arizona again...key words "i guess" idk. it's whatever i guess. also i have an artpiece i've been hiding under my bed so no one will know it exists, mainly because i'm embarrassed this whole situation thing even happened. anyways so the artwork is there..taking up space. do i keep it? i really don't want to...i'd prefer not to have it mock me. or do i send it to the person it was made for? i'd prefer not to do that either, because then i'd have to ask the person for their address..not really wanting to do that either. *sigh* idk..i guess i have a whole semester to think about it, seeing as how i don't move out until may.
plans and artwork

last no way do i want kids. people tell me "oh you'll change your mind when you get older and blah blah blah" i won't. when i say i don't want kids..ever...i mean it. i can't stand being in clothing stores having to manuever past strollers, i can't stand when parents can't get their babies to stop crying. small children annoy me. i hate pretending people's babies are cute...all babies look like nasty wrinkly raisins until about 6months...yea i said it..etc etc. i can't stand the monthly beating my lady parts recieve and people expect me to go through labor?! don't think so.

i guess that's all...i was going to talk about my on and off love/hate relationship i have with my hair, but seeing as how it took me over an hour to write this post thanks to my horrible attention span...and having the tv on i guess i'll end it. time to get food anyways.

no subject


that's me sighing very loudly. in a "eh" mood. i should be asleep. i keep going back and forth about being ok with being single and accepting my singleness and being mopey about wanting a relationship...guess i'm feeling that way now.

sidenote. i can always tell when i need to wear my retainer (besides having to wear it everyday which i don't) once my teeth start to hurt i know it's time..kind of like contractions

watching criminal minds...goddamn shemar moore is fine. whew lordy.

anyways i started this post with a point...guess i'll go to sleep now or whatever

Sunday, December 6, 2009

back from the dead

i think the title fits pretty blog terms since it's been almost a month since my last post...let's just say i was going through some thangs ...ok just one thing really. it was really hard but i'm good now. for real good not "oh yea i'm happy but i'm really covering up my sad" but i can honestly say i'm genuinely happy and i haven't felt this way in awhile. even though i'm stressed with school/finals/plans for the future, and i'm as single as a girl can get i'm still pretty happy. which is a good sign. anyways, so i'm in a slight delimma...i'm really into this guy i met, but he has a girlfriend...sidenote: i developed feelings for him before i found out he had a gf. so lately i've been keeping a least trying to, because i don't want to overstep any boundaries. i refuse to be "that girl"..i've been cheated on and it is THE worst feeling in the unfair as it is, because he's a great guy and she's in texas while he's in kansas...ugh. whatever. gotta keep in mind my morals.

this semester went by soo hard and crazy it so excited to go home for break..granted my siblings and i will probably kill each other i'm still looking forward to it.

here's some pictures from my haitus:

our family christmas tree, we've had
the same fake tree for about 15 years

the plaza lights

more lights

a cinderalla carriage

my peach cobbler...made it all
by myself! turned out really
good too

on my way out

the best puppydog ever

dan and i

waiting in line to see
regina spektor

regina spektor

the were soo serious about
no cameras, so i only
got these two. but the concert
was still AMAZING!!