an ugly duckling i am no longer

so you know how they (idk who "they" really is) say some people peak at a certain age? well i'm finally growing out of my 13 year ugly duckling phase..well at least i think i am...and i'm hoping praying and hoping that i don't peak at this age. that would suck some major whale balls..i mean i personally think i'm attractive...i know i'm no halle berry or kerry washington or zoe saldana or rosario dawson or alicia keys but i know i'm not a dog either.

anyways, some friends and i saw princess and the frog last friday....it was SOOO good. yes it contained stereotypes and blah blah (it's disney...no one should be surprised) it was just nice seeing so many brown faces..and apparently this is the first animated disney movie that was hand drawn in 7 years or something like that...overall it was really good..it's definitely one of those movies where i cry at the end, because i'm so happy..which i did...ok maybe not cry cry but i definitely shed some tears.

the pretty tiana and naveen as a frog

different stills from the movie...ok don't judge
me, but the dad was pretty attractive for
a cartoon...i know that sounds super weird

prince naveen was pretty cute too...and i
was really glad he ended up darker in the movie
than he looked in the previews

had my first final today....it was one of those incidents where you get the test and all you can do is laugh, because you know you're going to have pull some bull out the air to get through the test...my teacher put the first comparison slide (it's an art history class) up on the screen and my friend and i looked at each other then busted out laughing...overall the test wasn't as bad as i expected...

saturday i got a finals care package my mom sent me...the 8 pack of mini butterfingers was gone in 2 days and the 5-pack of stick crackers with dip cheese was gone in one...i seriously have a eating problem..it's so bad that when i watch tv a lot of the time i start to crave whatever food is on the screen...and lately i've been eating or trying to get food in my dreams...it's weird..but that is my life.

guess that's all for now..

what a girl wants

so like every other college student across this vast, equality denying(like that?), country i have finals..however I am not freaking out...at least not yet. tomorrow (today technically?) is stop day here at good 'ol mizzou which equals no classes. i should be excited, which i am i guess, but i have a paper due..ok just the revised edition, i should be working on it...but of course the usual weeknight roseanne marathon is much more appealing. i'm thinking about just doing it tomorrow after my 11am exam review. my teacher didn't give us a specific time soooo...yea. i also have volunteering...i really shouldn't complain i won't be back until mid jan. and for once i can spend my time not doing schoolwork. it's just SOOOO cold out!! but then again if i'm willing to walk in the cold for drinks then i can do it for volunteering...blah blah blah.

it is a really bad idea for me to blog while watching tv...i keep forgetting how easily distracted i can get...i know i had more to say, but i can't remember what...

one thing i've noticed about myself, is that when i'm single single (meaning there's NO ONE i'm seeing, "talking to" or sinning with) i always super evaluate the guy kind of guy i want to date...i found myself doing that tonight and in my head i was thinking *said in super perky, happy, soprano voice* "i know exactly what kind of guy i want. he's going to be this this and this. and we're going to do this this this"...yea it's sad. i'm so weird. i'm unfortunately turning into the crazy, single lady....hopefully it's just phase...maybe it'll help if i get out of my head so much.

anyways on a happier note, CORINNE BAILEY RAE IS BAAAAAACCCCKKK!!! can you see the excitement? yea i'm kinda excited..just a little. she has a short video on her website of her in the studio messing around and talking about her new album...she's so adorable!! and i love her hair even more now her hair is soo long! i can't wait to hear her new music..i think her album comes out in jan?...feb? but yea excitement all around.

guess i'll end it there...probably should go to sleep since i'm not doing any revising at the moment.

ENJOY!

(for some reason the video wasn't working right on her website)

hello? is it me you're looking for?

oh lionel ritchie..lol (see title)

as usual i'm doing some major student failing at the moment..i have a paper due wednesday that i should've been spending the past 10 years of my life working on, but of course i didn't. instead i'm sitting in bed watching tv and hopping through blogs...there are so many good ones out there...wish i 1. had more to say then just meaningless rambles and complaints, 2. lived in a big city like chicago, or new york or dc or philadelphia (i have no idea how to spell that), houston or la ...i know i'm stuck here in columbia as a result of my circumstances, but still... 3. had more fashion sense..well i guess i like my style, i just don't have the means i.e money from a job...which i also don't have...it's so bad, i've been surviving off my parents..ok not plural, because my dad only sent me $ ONCE in my 4 years of college..no i'm not bitter at all...anyways...i work in the summers, just not during the school years. maybe it's out of laziness..idk really.
i guess what i'm really saying is that i can't wait live on my own...i know i'll probably regret saying "i can't wait" a few years from now when i'm paying for everything myself, but i am..i think it's from me being in school..i'm sooo done. my brain hurts oh so much.

anyways

so here's my plan for the next year:
summer 2010- museum internship (fingers crossed) maybe take german..i really don't want to but i know if i want to get into grad school it'll help ..whatever
fall semester 2010- start italian ( i know i know i'm super late, but whatevs), graduate
spring semester 2011- start my break from school, continue to take italian, find job or paid internship
then grad school ..idk..i feel less like a crazy, unorganized lady if i write it out


I really really REALLY can't stand holdiay jewelry commercials...they're so unbelievably cheesy and annoying..they make me cringe..and a lot of it is really really ugly...my future significant other in for a interesting ride with me..

so i've noticed (at least when it comes to my life) when things come to an end other things end too. for instance when another person and i end all things romantic..and right now communication as it were (i know that phrase doesn't belong there i just wanted to use it) other things in as well...like plans for the future. i had planned on going to new york for spring break...well thanks to the events that happened over the past few weeks i kinda threw those plans out..so now it looks as if i'll be spending my senior year spring break at home..for the second year in a row...at least last year angelica was staying with us..i guess i could go stay with my grandparents in arizona again...key words "i guess" idk. it's whatever i guess. also i have an artpiece i've been hiding under my bed so no one will know it exists, mainly because i'm embarrassed this whole situation thing even happened. anyways so the artwork is there..taking up space. do i keep it? i really don't want to...i'd prefer not to have it mock me. or do i send it to the person it was made for? i'd prefer not to do that either, because then i'd have to ask the person for their address..not really wanting to do that either. *sigh* idk..i guess i have a whole semester to think about it, seeing as how i don't move out until may.
plans and artwork

last thing...kids...in no way do i want kids. people tell me "oh you'll change your mind when you get older and blah blah blah"...no i won't. when i say i don't want kids..ever...i mean it. i can't stand being in clothing stores having to manuever past strollers, i can't stand when parents can't get their babies to stop crying. small children annoy me. i hate pretending people's babies are cute...all babies look like nasty wrinkly raisins until about 6months...yea i said it..etc etc. i can't stand the monthly beating my lady parts recieve and people expect me to go through labor?! don't think so.

i guess that's all...i was going to talk about my on and off love/hate relationship i have with my hair, but seeing as how it took me over an hour to write this post thanks to my horrible attention span...and having the tv on i guess i'll end it. time to get food anyways.

no subject

HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH

that's me sighing very loudly. in a "eh" mood. i should be asleep. i keep going back and forth about being ok with being single and accepting my singleness and being mopey about wanting a relationship...guess i'm feeling that way now.

sidenote. i can always tell when i need to wear my retainer (besides having to wear it everyday which i don't) once my teeth start to hurt i know it's time..kind of like contractions

watching criminal minds...goddamn shemar moore is fine. whew lordy.

anyways i started this post with a point...guess i'll go to sleep now or whatever

back from the dead

i think the title fits pretty well..in blog terms since it's been almost a month since my last post...let's just say i was going through some thangs ...ok just one thing really. it was really hard but i'm good now. for real good not "oh yea i'm happy but i'm really covering up my sad" but i can honestly say i'm genuinely happy and i haven't felt this way in awhile. even though i'm stressed with school/finals/plans for the future, and i'm as single as a girl can get i'm still pretty happy. which is a good sign. anyways, so i'm in a slight delimma...i'm really into this guy i met, but he has a girlfriend...sidenote: i developed feelings for him before i found out he had a gf. so lately i've been keeping a distance...at least trying to, because i don't want to overstep any boundaries. i refuse to be "that girl"..i've been cheated on and it is THE worst feeling in the world....as unfair as it is, because he's a great guy and she's in texas while he's in kansas...ugh. whatever. gotta keep in mind my morals.

this semester went by soo fast...as hard and crazy it was...fast. so excited to go home for break..granted my siblings and i will probably kill each other i'm still looking forward to it.

here's some pictures from my haitus:

our family christmas tree, we've had
the same fake tree for about 15 years

the plaza lights

more lights

a cinderalla carriage

my peach cobbler...made it all
by myself! turned out really
good too

on my way out

the best puppydog ever

dan and i

waiting in line to see
regina spektor

regina spektor

the were soo serious about
no cameras, so i only
got these two. but the concert
was still AMAZING!!

all that glitters is not gold

lesson of the week: be prepared things change....people throw you for loops....your feelings get hurt...
..then you cry, bitch & moan to your friends...then you pick yourself up by your bootstraps (even though my physics teacher senior year of high school taught us that it's physically impossible, because of gravity and blah blah blah) you tell yourself things are going to be ok..because they are. life is hard sometimes, people can let you down, but it's not the end of the world. moping around with a rain cloud hovering over your head doesn't change things, you have to change them for yourself. sure it's ok to be sad and hurt, but you can't stay in that state of mind especially if the other person is going about their business.

i had to do all of these things the past few days...it's been hard, but i have great friends and surprise phone calls from the best mommy in the world

i'm glad turkey day break starts tomorrow...a whole week at home has been much needed.

lists lists and more lists

things to do to get back on the good side of the universe..list

1. stop cursing so much...not cute

2. stop sleeping in my clothes so often

3. stop skipping class

4. stop procrastinating so much

5. stop envying others

6. take better care of my hair

7. stop saying mean things to people (whether it be out loud or in my head)

8. be more grateful for my family, especially my marmar

9. stop the "what-if questions"

10. stop staying up til all hours of the night

11. read more

12. clean my room more often

13. stop selling myself short

14. just say "no" to people instead of lying when I don't want to hang out with them

15. stop freaking out about the future

whew lordy that's a long list...i'm sure there's more, but that's all i can think of for now

hopefully this list will help my current situation