new name for new bloggity blog

http://summersetting.tumblr.com/

i'll be back

but until then

http://wallflowerdreams.tumblr.com/

she works hard for the money

..or in my case WILL be working hard for the money. yesterday chatoyya and i drove all over columbia picking up applications..when i say "all over" i mean just at the mall...but we did get a bunch and i turned ones into joann's fabrics and hobby lobby. we're supposed to go back to the mall later today to hand in the ones we picked up yesterday. at this point i don't even care where i work as long as i get a job. thursday i decided i was gonna go home this weekend out of the blue, almost started crying when i found out i didn't have enough money for gas to get there. BUT the brightside is yesterday i discovered that the french quiz i originally thought was the monday after this upcoming monday is really taking place this upcoming monday...in a few days. i never can get any work done while i'm home, so it's probably for the best.

bard college FINALLY posted their application for their curatorial studies ma program...it's really pathetic the number of times i logged on the application website to see if it was posted lol. anyways, it made me really excited to fill it out. i REALLY REALLY REALLY hope i get accepted...i'd be happy to get into any of the schools i'm applying to, but I'm in love with bard and it's been my #1 since i decided to go to grad school for curatorial studies. so fingers have officially been crossed.

moving on...my list of things i want to get as soon as i start getting regular paychecks keeps growing..it's so bad. i can't decide which holga camera i want lol. i really like the classic black because it has a flash, but the other one is purple!!! if i could find a purple holga WITH a flash oh i'd be in there like swimwear!

aren't they pretty?!

had a dream last night that some gangster like guy who ran my town came to visit my apartment building and to keep him from taking all our money and stuff my parents basically promised me to him in marriage. bad thing is in my dream i didn't even have a problem with it...it was so weird...what's also weird is that the guy was really good looking and not that old. but then again it just follows the pattern of me having off the wall dreams.

guess i'll go back to filling out this michael's online application..they said it's supposed to take 45 minutes! not happy about that...but i guess it's worth it since i need a job like 2 months ago..

here we go again

apparently i like getting myself into trouble in the feelings department.

fucking shit fuck fuck

lazzzzy ass

what did i do today?

slept on and off til about 3-3:30..didn't up and showered til about 5 to go get food. yes that was the only time i left the house.

other than that just sat in bed watching tv and internet hopping. mostly i acted like i don't have a critique for my art class to prepare for, don't have french to study for and readings for harlem renaissance which i skipped on friday to take a personal day....yes i got a major f in productivity today...but it felt nice not doing anything

also i may or may not have thought about how nice it was to cuddle with him...BUT NOT IN A ROMANTIC I MISS HIM SORT OF WAY...just in a i wanna cuddle sort of way...idk whatever

i really need a haircut...badly.

and i want that ring!! i'm thinking that if i can save the $ for it, i might make it a graduation present to myself...BUT if i somehow get the $ before i graduate i'm so getting it. it's so pretty!! speaking of materialism, last night i discovered that columbia photo currently not only has holga cameras in sale, and color holga cameras for that matter, but (drum roll please) THEY THEM IN VIOLET!! i'm definitely definitely getting that camera..and for $40?! hell yes! i know i really need to stop adding things to my "things to get with my paycheck" list..good news is i got my new social security card in the mail today so no more excuses, i HAVE to apply this week.

wish i had something more profound and meaningful to say, but i don't..that's cool

bitchfest 2010 part 1 of an unending series

school is dumb

guys are lame

i hate admitting to having feelings for people (NOT p btw...i can truthfully say, while swearing on a harry potter book that i am over him)

i'm tired of being single

still don't understand why and how people think rape jokes are funny. they're not. they never will be and never have been. i don't care if tina fey writes the joke..rape isn't funny.

finally..

i want this ring the way lindsay lohan wants crack (yea i went there)

isn't simply gorgeous?! it kills me that it's $700...BUT good thing is it's #1 on my "things i'm gonna buy with my first paycheck" list(still working on that whole priorities thing). even though i have yet to apply to said any job. i loves it and has to have it. even though it's an engagement ring, i needs it. now i'm not craycray, it'd totally wear it on my middle finger.

the snl premiere tonight was sooo good!!! they brought everybody back and amy poehler was a great host

time for bed

how about a quickie?

been avoiding blogging for the past few weeks...

mainly because angelica's mom passed away about 3 1/2 weeks ago and i wasn't sure if i wanted to talk about it on here or if i even should. even as i write this i keep deleting and rewriting...not sure exactly what to say...out of respect to angelica and her mom i won't go into any details...my heart still goes out to her...

school has been stressful as fuck. french is killing me...took the first quiz last week..i'll just say that i didn't fail, but i didn't exactly get a C...lol. i know i should care more...buuut....yea. getting through modern art without stabbing myself in the neck is getting harder and harder. on the upside i am LOVING my harlem renaissance class, i have to give my professor props, she's doing a great job...i was skeptical at first since she's white, but she's definitely on top of her game. almost done with my first 3D art project...it turned out soo good considering it was the project from hell and the number one stresser...on my second trip to michaels on saturday i ran over a turtle....was totally traumatized. as soon as i'm completely done i'll post pictures.

new celebrity crush: donald glover

he plays troy on community, used to write for 30 rock (!!!!!!), and a part of derrick comedy. ALSO he's a rapper and goes by the stage name childish gambino. he's pretty awesome. i have to admit, it took a little while for community to grow on me, but as a whole the show is pretty clever and really funny. anyways he's pretty cool..love his music and i've always liked derrick comedy.

guess that's all for now..

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delirious. thank you fever

in bed pantless rewatching scooby doo episodes i was too delirious to watch earlier and eating strawberry poptarts.

whatever sickness i have has me going through it! last night i was all up in my feelings about someone i should not have feelings for (p in case it wasn't already obvious) ran to get subway at the on campus market, seriously almost passed out. i was cold, but felt soo hot.

actually showered today (couldn't muster up enough energy to yesterday..gross i know) at first i just stood there, then i realized how good the hot water felt so i decided to take a bath. but then the water was taking too long to run, so i just sat in the tub while the shower ran and filled up the tub. it was sooo nice just sitting there with the hot water on. thought i was doing better until i went to get food and almost passed out...again. ugh. at least i don't feel like i'm dying like i did yesterday.

i could really go for a footlong sonic coney dog..yummers!

emmy's are tonight..i wish i liked award shows..i used to a little when i was younger, but it's hard watching movies/people/shows you like and want to win, lose. so far the only thing that has made me excited for the emmy's are keith powell's (toofer from 30 rock) twitter pictures from the red carpet (yes i'm a creeper)

i heard a ringing in my ear earlier today and it really creeped me out. it was the yearly school hearing test type ringing. freaky!

lovelovelove

sometime last week i had a dream james roday from psych and i were in love..i woke up so happy.

i miss that feeling. being in love is indescribable.

rip sydney

sooo i'm currently laying (lying?) on my death bed with a weird sinus headache/cold thing. last night was HORRIBLE! hung out with a friend and sniffled and sneezed all night. what's really embarrassing, but totally makes sense to happen in my life, is trying to discreetly wipe your nose and continuously keep yourself from sneezing during certain adult activities. yes, welcome to my life.

he gave me sudafed which helped a little, but when i woke up this morning i thought i was dying! had to run to wally world on my way home and seriously stood in the cold/allergy aisle trying to decide which medicine matched my self diagnosis. so far the sinus headache stuff hasn't worked and neither has the cold/flu dayquil. i'm hungry, but it hurts to move so i haven't gotten up to leave to eat....basically this is a complaining post.

i'm a closet dramaqueen. my leo tendencies are hidden: i love love love being the center of attention, but would never openly admit to it..or act like it. BUT that all changes as soon as i get sick. i complain to who ever will listen. i always say i'm on my deathbed or dying from ebola...even with the smallest cold. class definitely suffers when i'm sick. but then again hypochonria is in my genes, so technically it's not my fault....lol.

i could really use some ibprofen right about now.

it's times like this i wish i had a booski to take care of me and listen to me whine(more like keep him hostage with me) ...that'd be so nice.

my throat hurts so much!

creepy alert: i'm watching this special on hell on the history channel (yes i'm lame) and this catholic religious guy has a radio show and played a recording from some mining place who sent microphones super deep into the earth to record whatever. and the recording isn't like the usual paranormal ghost sounds: fuzzy, garbled, doesn't really sound like anything. BUT the recording the catholic guy had sounded like real people screaming...it was super weird. of course ppl are saying it's fake, and i'm not saying i believe it's a recording of hell. i will say that i have watched my fair share of ghost hunting shows (once again, i've acknowledged my lameness) to tell that either it's fake or something else is going on down wherever the recording was taken from.

just sayin.

i have stupid french homework due tonight. i'm so over this class.

back to my death bed i guess

stupid school

school is dumb.

i can't wait to graduate.

somehow i ended up not getting called on at all today in french class, but then i failed the first quiz. that's what happens in sydney's world, which btw is ruled by karma. *sigh* oh well. thank gooseness it's friday. unfortunately i have no extra spending $$ for booze....uggggh!

i really should stop complaining. maybe i'll get started on my grad school shit again. this morning i decided that even though i want to take a break before grad school, i'm still gonna apply to bard college. if i don't get in for next fall then i'll still go on break. if i do...then yay! so that's my mission.

i miss my puppydog Ginger...i would call home to talk to her (yes i have my parents hold the phone to her ear while i say hi) buuut after the conversation i had with my mom yesterday, i think i'm gonna lay low for awhile..usually that works.

as of now my booskie requirements are as follows: must make me laugh, won't judge me for being messy & eating in bed, and will give me lots of hugs & kisses. now i do have standards but at this point, this is what i want.

last thing: this morning pandora introduced me to lissy trullie....soo good!! florence + the machine pandora station was such a good idea!

ok i'm done rambling...really i'm missing the major fight going on on the bad girls club lol.

until next time!

thursdays are bad days

so my younger sister has a theory (with evidence to back it up) that thursdays are bad days. when i have bad days i agree with her. i'd give today a C, maybe a high B. ok there were A worthy moments, but i'm talking an overall grade.

today in a nutshell:

lied to my french professor

almost killed myself during modern art

started my sketches

first day back at the art league

counted all the $ in the drawer correctly the first time (this never happens)

possibly ruined my mom's credit score

lied to my RA to get out of a hall social event

I have to give myself credit, because since monday i've started a "talking bad about people" fast. that is one of my worst habits. so i've stopped saying mean things out loud and as soon as i think something mean i tell myself to stop. i know it's not some nobel peace prize winning thing, but it's something i don't like about myself and after boohooing on monday i realized i had no right to talk about anybody. so there we go.

i had much more to say earlier today..oh well!

ps: i got one of those automatic glade spray freshner thingys. yea it scares the shit out of me b.c it's so freaking loud when it sprays and i don't keep time of every 36 mins that go by.

emailed my professor, no morning studying. going back to sleep

^^ most current tweet.

email to professor:

Bonjour Antoine,

Je ne pourrai pas recontrer avec vous aujourd’hui. J’oublie´ J’ai rendez-vous avec ma conseilere. Au revoir!

-Mlle Cooper

ok so I told a little white lie...i don't really have an appointment with my advisor. i'm just really tired and am not up for meeting today. that two sentence email took me for freaking ever to write.

i swear i'm going back to sleep..as soon as i take a break from reading this awesome blog "New York Days" which i found via "Parliament Pavement" who also has a tumblr page (both are pretty cool...but her tumblr page is definitely winning out of the two)

that's a really bad habit of mine, when i find a new blog i really like i tend to try and read it..from finish to start. which is bad some days like today when i'm exhausted and want to go back to sleep, but the blog is so good i can't stop reading.

last night i had a dream i went to see the last exorcism with my family, but then chickened out. maybe that's a sign...

first day back at the art league today...can't wait!

now back to sleep.

pour dejuner je mange de sandwich du jambon et frommage.

that's supposed to say "for lunch i ate a ham and cheese sandwich".

french is going slightly better. pretty sure my professor still thinks i'm unqualified for the class, but i could give two fucks. at least he's nice about thinking i'm an idiot when i meet with him during his office hours. read "le petit prince" out loud for a little while tonight like he recommended. i figure i should be somewhat ok if i keep going for help.

got my first 3D art project today..so excited! already have an idea in mind, just hope my teacher doesn't shoot it down when i show her my sketches next week.

in other news, my room is a mess as usual..3rd day of school..idk if it's a record or not. i bet if i lived in a cool apartment with hardwood floors it would look cool to have my textbooks scattered on the floor among articles of clothing. but on the carpeted floor of a small dorm like room it just looks messy.

i wish i had someone to read to. how cute would it be to lay in bed resting on someone's nook while reading le petit prince out loud to them? that might just be the hopeless romantic in me.

i have to admit my flying piggy bank looks pretty good on my shelf (go me and my decorating taste!)

yesterday p told me he missed me. i didn't say it back. for the sake of my heart that's being barely held together by a busy mind, brave face, and bitterness; i didn't say it back. not to say that i DO miss him...i don't. i just know our clusterfuck pattern and me saying i miss you too would just start the emotional shitshow all over again. when i said i'm done this time i meant it. for real for real. i'll admit that at the current moment i'm feeling super lonely and really craving companionship, but whatever "companionship" p could give me isn't worth fucking up my emotional sanity....again...for the ZILLIONTH time. so yea. there's that.

sidenote: JUST figured out why i've been having trouble falling asleep even though i'm exhausted. cream freaking soda! yes i've had one every night about this time since sunday (don't judge me) yep i'm a smart one.

i want to end on a good note... saturday, december 18th, 2010 12pm. GRADUATION!!

off to bed...and by bed i mean finish my snack, cream soda and family guy.

cry baby

i'll make this a quick post since i'm in between french notecards....and family guy lol

today was the first day of classes. my harlem renaissance went well, just the usual syllabus stuff. then had my french class...ended up crying to my teacher afterwards, because i couldn't answer the questions he asked me. it was so bad..like out of a movie. i'm just really grateful he was nice about it even though i was super awkward. going to see him during his office hours tomorrow. then had my 3D art class..really excited for that, we gonna get use the woodshop!! saws! power tools! etc! lol. overall the day was pretty good. tomorrow i have to work on applying to jobs.

short and sweet.

really tempted to go to bed..soo tired!

packing schmacking

sooo it's currently about 9am..give or take a few minutes and I'm in bed contemplating if i want to start packing or not...i'm leaning towards not. which isn't really a good decision considering i leave for school tomorrow morning and all i've contributed to packing is half heartedly packing my purple tub container with random shizz and moving my art supplies crate from my room downstairs to the living room. my room is a mess. i absolutely hate packing. i mean i'll get it done..i HAVE to before 10am tomorrow, it's just that i don't really want to. whatever.

still waiting on my ipod cord to get here in the mail. p didn't mail it until last saturday and lord knows how long it takes for mail to get from nyc to here. i just hope it arrives today, otherwise i'll have to have my parents mail it to me at school and i know as soon as my mom sees that he sent me something her nosiness is going to into overdrive. things have been going much better between us on my end..mainly because lately we've only been communicating once or twice a week which is perfectly ok with me...gives my emotions a break.

so excited for my classes this semester! well except for french of course...i can still read it fairly well, i'm just hoping my professor isn't going to speak to us in it all the time or i'm screwed. since it's been about 4 years since my last french class i'm not worried about getting a bad grade. i know enough to not fail, but i doubt i'll get an A...i'm shooting for a C. i'm really excited for my harlem renaissance art history class, i can't believe they're devoting a whole class to the harlem renaissance! i'm also excited for the class because chatoyya is in it too which is sentimental, because first semester freshman year we had history class together and here we are last semester of college in the same class...we're both pretty sentimental about it lol.

guess i could do some packing before i have to take my dad's car in to get the oil changed....UUUGGGHHH. packing is the worst!

postin' in the mornin'

all mf-ing summer (ok so really since about mid june) my body has grown accustomed to a new sleep schedule: sleepy by 10:30pm, awake before 8am. at first i was annoyed because i was getting up before 9am for no reason..except for the days i volunteer. but then i realized it could be a good thing since lord knows my sleep schedule last semester was all kinds of fucked up. ok so we're finally at what i really wanted to talk about. last semester was without a doubt my toughest semester. about march i was highly considering dropping out of some of my classes. but i made it through and it still puts a smile on my face to know that i came out with NOTHING below a B during my hardest semester. so proud of myself.

my last semester will be somewhat tough too. taking my last 3 credits of french...i haven't taken french since high school...it should be interesting. i'm also worried about the 3D art class, i've only taken one other art class in high school and the only reason i got an A was b.c my teacher was hippie- down with the institution of rules, etc. and as long as i gave some bullshit explanation of the meaning behind my work i'd get a good grade. but i have a big feeling i'm gonna have to actually put effort into my assignments with this class...it's just hard for me to be creative on a deadline. idk..we'll see how it goes.

anyways, bree, gianni and i went to soul sessions last night. i love love love spoken word. it always makes me wish i could write poetry. there was one artist there named truespeech who was definitely my favorite, but i can't find him anywhere.

i go back to good ol' mizzou in about two weeks. as much as i bitch about the school sometimes i'm excited to see the lovely campus again. the house i'll be living in will give me new scenery as opposed to where my dorm was last year. i'm also excited about living in the house. there's only going to be 26 of us, two people to a bathroom, we have our own laundry room and there's two kitchens. guess i'm also excited because i won't be in a dorm.

might get to wear my new dress this weekend!! as much as i whine about not having enough clothes, i'm not a big shopper. mostly because it's hard for me to spend $ on clothes..very picky about prices especially when money is tight. BUT this dress is bad if i do say so myself, i've been giving myself pats on the back since i bought it lol. so excited to go dancing in it!

that's all for now i guess...back to harry potter 2

and so it was written

here's the game plan: move to nyc next sept. hopefully i'll have a friend with me (started getting katie's thinking wheels turning today after i jokingly but in all seriousness asked her to move with me..i think it worked because she started looking at apts in chelsea and greenwich village on craigslist..yay!) that being said my plan is to work 2 jobs (possibly 3 if i can make it work) from the time i graduate until sept. which means the whole internship will be put on hold...getting out of the hellhole that is kansas city (and i use the word hellhole in the nicest way) so there's that. lord help me.

i was gonna talk about p, but my brain is tired so i'm not.

i keep meaning to download janelle monae's new stuff, but i keep forgetting.

and i'm almost out of my burberry brit perfume..sadness.

i think i'm just talking to talk...or type? hmm.

bring it down a notch please

wow last night was bad for my emotions...thanks non existent alcohol limit. on the outside i was totally fine, but the animated in my head lizzie mcguire me was tipping over filing cabinets and kicking over office coolers hulk style..(yes the inside of my mind is an office setting...not sure why) thank goodness twitter got the majority of my drunken rage.(not counting the previous post which was drunkenly typed)...it was baaaad. BUT! only shed a few tears..go me!!! it could've been worse, i could've been spilling my guts to my friends while out at some club all sloppy drunk like...at least last night i was in the comfort of my own home with my computer...which thinking about about it the latter is probably worse, but whatever. i still have a lot of pent up emotion since i never express how i truly feel...guess i'm saving it all up for when i can actually afford to go to a therapist.

In other news, decided that I’m going to buy myself a macbook for graduation this December. I’ve wanted one for the longest time (years) and I was considering pooling together whatever xmas and graduation $$ I get, but I really want this and it would mean a lot more to me if I bought it on my own. SO between paying off these school bills and saving for new laptop things are going to be pretty tight..i need a job sooo bad. Fingers crossed I get one.

Excited to go back…mostly because I need to get out of this house..fast. I’m also excited because it’s my last semester! Then time to start a new chapter in my life. I can’t wait.